Big Ben Tuesday: NFL Championship Matchups Set, Swifties Gear Up for Vegas, Jason Kelce and Other Annoying Super Bowl Side Stories

LAS VEGAS, NV – We saw some damn good NFL games this weekend. Three one-score battles after the Texans folded in the second half at Baltimore. The highlight was, without doubt, Kelce’s blown kiss and heart sign to Taylor’s luxury box. My heart soared. Wait, never mind. That part was supposed to be for my other blog, Star-Crossed Love, check it out. The home teams all won, except for the champs, who outlasted the Bills again. We’re set up for two interesting Championship games. Let’s go.

Nothing Could Be Finer… than the Lions at the Niners

The Niners got it done, despite losing Deebo early. The offense sure didn’t look as threatening without Deebo. He’s 50/50 to play on Sunday. It took a big miss by the Packers’ kicker for them to get here. And if Deebo can’t go, with the Lions ability to stop the run, this game gets dicey for the home team. Right now the Niners are favored by seven, which is way too many points sans Deebo. Underestimate the Lions at your own peril. Do you know they will literally bite your kneecaps?

For Purdy’s sake, I hope it doesn’t rain. The accuracy was not bad on Sunday. It’s just water dude. The Niners were on the ropes, one punch away from getting knocked out.

Lions plus 7.

Eat your heart out, Pete Alonso!

The Battle in Baltimore, Mahomes vs Lamar

The Chiefs’ offense finally looked like the Chiefs offense on Sunday and this is intriguing. The Ravens are the most complete team in the league, but the Chiefs have Mahomes and their own first rate defense. That defense really stepped up in the fourth quarter to win the game against the Bills.

But Lamar and the Ravens look like an unstoppable wagon right now. I wouldn’t bet against them and the spread is giving KC plenty of deserved respect. But respect ain’t gonna stop Lamar.

Ravens minus 3.5

Swifties on the Strip

Somewhere in the basement of NFL HQ, Roger Goodell looks around nervously.

Goodell: We have to make it look like a legitimate win?
Head Ref: It won’t be easy. The Ravens might be the best team in the league.
Goodell: Do have any idea how much revenue Taylor Swift will generate in Las Frickin’ Vegas? The Chiefs must win that game. Make it happen!

Annoying Super Bowl Side Stories

If the Chiefs do get to the Super Bowl, the Swift and Drunken Jason Kelce nonsense is gonna be insufferable. Someone needs to tush push that dude into traffic.

I’m still here…

Here is a list of annoying side stories for each team that will be discussed/seem ad naseum (latin for words that stink like a fart) in the two week dead space before the big game.

Ravens: the Harbaugh Bros and the possibility of them both winning titles in the same year. F*** off.

Lions: The Dan Campbell “bite them in the kneecap” story. The long suffering Lions. Blah blah blah.

Niners: Mr. Purdy Irrelevant/They Almost Signed Brady crap. We effing know.

Wake us up when the game is on. Speaking of sleep, the dreamy Angry Ward is here tomorrow.

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About Ben Whitney 395 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.