NEW YORK, NY – Is Juan Soto worth paying over $50 million a year to play baseball? How much money has Kirk Cousins made for winning absolutely NOTHING? And how useless is the iPhone weather app? I’ll be answering NONE of these questions today, and so much more. Let’s dive right in!
Trading Places on the Jets. I fully expect everyone here has seen the Eddie Murphy/Dan Aykroyd classic Trading Places at the point. If you haven’t, stop reading my stupid post, drop everything else that you’re doing, and watch it at once. Also, don’t breathe a word to anyone about this egregious hole on your cinematic résumé. I bring up this holiday comedy gem because I feel it applies how I now feel about the New York Jets. The Jets are currently 3-10 (tee-hee!), mathematically eliminated from playoff contention, and Aaron Rodgers has looked awful throughout (well, as awful as someone making $40 million can look). So, while I have been rooting for Jets misery all season long, I now feel comfortable saying that I hope they WIN the rest of their games. Yes, like Winthorpe and Valentine with frozen orange juice futures, I am now buying in heavily on the Jets. Finish strong, lads. Finish with dignity. And, most importantly, finish any chance of the Jets getting a really great draft pick and ruining it.
Dave Parker and Dick Allen Finally Get in the Baseball Hall of Fame. It may not be a true Christmas miracle, but Dave Parker finally (and deservedly) getting into the HOF is close enough for me. I do agree with my old friend (and former MTM contributor) Grote2DMax, who thought it might have been nice for the Mets and Soto to wait a day before announcing their deal, so these two legends could have their day. But, whaddaya gonna do? Tommy John, you’re next! Now, back to the Mets for a sec.
Is Steve Cohen Just in it to Troll the Yankees? I actually think this is a fair question. I don’t know too many Mets fans who are psyched that their favorite team is now spending like the Steinbrenner Yanks of yore. To clarify, there are probably plenty that love it, I just don’t know them. But what if Steve Cohen—his stated goal to win a championship in Queens at whatever the cost—was really getting more enjoyment out of stringing the Yankees along, only to outbid them and make them eat sh!t like they did to so many teams for so many decades? Isn’t that almost a more worthy goal than winning? I sure think so. Hey, cut me a break, if I’m all of a sudden going to have to live with rooting for the biggest spender, I’m gonna have to come up with some fairytales for myself. Yessir, Steve Cohen is Baseball’s Billionaire Avenger! By day, mild-mannered Long Island schlub, by night meting out financial justice with his trusty sidekick, Hedgefund. (I like where this is going.) Fighting for… Hang on! Just got a text. Breaking baseball news.
Max Fried to the Yankees for 8 years and $218 Million. Wowza! Thatsa lotta years and greenbacks. Please discuss. At the very least, we needed another solid Jewish ballplayer in the Bronx. It’s been a lot of years since Ron Blomberg lived up in my hood. When ya get here, stop by Liebman’s Deli, Maxie. Mazel!
I’m out of here. Come on back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who’s probably mad for Max.
