BRONX, NY – I’m thrilled it’s Wednesday… for a change. For starters, I won’t have to be subjected to political ads every other second on local news channels for a good long while and, secondly, yesterday was the NFL Trade Deadline! Even though we had some spirited discussion in yesterday’s comments section, I will not be dissuaded from writing about the wheeling and dealing and stupidity. Let’s get to it!
Jets Dump Cargo, Strand Ticket-Holders in Jersey, and Taxi Towards Another Hilarious Offseason. This header was fun to write. As we all know by now, everyone’s favorite alcoholic uncle, the New York Jets, traded away (arguably) their two best players yesterday. First they sent cornerback Sauce Gardner to the Colts (more on those lunatics in a second) and then they shipped off Pro Bowl defensive tackle Quinnen Williams to Dallas. All told, the Jets got back 3 first round picks, a second round pick, and a couple of players I really don’t care about. With the Jets, it’s always about the draft, because that’s what they are great at… especially if you’re a fan of exploding stoves and pies in the face. With that in mind, you’ve gotta be hoping that they’ll once again be looking for their next quarterback. Last time it was Zack Wilson at 2 overall in the 2021 draft. Maybe not as funny as the Niners clambering over everyone to grab Trey Lance at 3, but here were just a few players taken after them: Ja’Marr Chase (5), Penei Sewell (7), and Micah Parsons (12). The Jets having draft capital is like watching Augustus Gloop drinking out of the chocolate river at Willy Wonka’s crib. I can’t wait to see what happens!
Dallas Does Deadline. After an embarrassing Monday Night home loss to Arizona moved their record to 3-5-1, Jerry Jones and the Dallas Cowboys went right to work on fixin’ things. Yesiree, they first traded a 2026 7th round pick to Cincinnati for help on defense in the form of linebacker Logan Wilson. I have no idea who Logan Wilson is but, I have to ask, is Cincy where you would go looking for defensive help??? Also, what kind of help can you get for a 7th round pick? But then Jerry made a much bigger move, getting the aforementioned Quinnen Williams from the Jets for a second-rounder next year and a first-rounder in 2027. Yee-haa! That’s some dealin’, Son! But… um… why? Does Dallas really believe they can contend for a title, or anything else, this year? Sure, there aren’t any really great teams right now, but the Cowboys can’t seriously be considering making a run. They could have saved those picks and used the money they’ll be paying Williams the next couple of years to build an opulent-assisted living facility inside Jerry World for its gun-slingin’ namesake.
Colts Go Cuckoo! For second there yesterday, I could have sworn I felt the presence of former Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay saying, “Hold my damn drink, and give me the phone!” Just kidding. Even Jim Irsay wouldn’t have given the Jets two first round draft picks for anyone on their team… and I’m talking ever. But that’s exactly what they did for Sauce Gardner. They got housed last week by the Steelers because Daniel Jones dressed up as Old Daniel Jones for Halloween. So why give up the ranch to cover for a concussed cornerback with another cornerback coming out of a concussion?
And, finally…
Tom Brady Cloned His Dog. This is The Twilight Zone episode Rod Serling rightly threw smack dab in the middle of the fireplace. I’m not gonna bother with the specifics. You can look it up if you like.
Come on back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, whose Eagles should have traded my guy AJ Brown somewhere… anywhere… else.
