ATLANTIC CITY, USA– Holy sh!t !!! I did it! By now readers should know I’m a straight shooter, so for as much as I get down on myself over horrible selections, I will take time to gloat over my Grand Slam (4-0) last Sunday with my Free NFL Picks. Not only did I give you four winners, I told you to bet the bunch in a four team parlay which normally pays 10-1 in Sin City. If you have a set of onions and “let it ride” after each winner as the games were staggered for that exact notion, a $100 gambler made $1600 and double that if you are a $200 bettor. Today, you decide on a parlay or free roll what you made last week on today’s selections.
You’re living large and spiked the holiday eggnog with the good stuff last night. No hangovers when you stray from the usual rot-gut as I opted for the ultra smooth Makers 46 at a bargain price of $39 a bottle at the local Wegman’s. Maybe this New Jersey thing can work out after all with deep liquor discounts. The wife is nagging you, the kids have that anticipatory vigor and anxiousness over Santa coming to town, and you don’t care because last week’s haul makes life palatable. Pick out a tree. Chop it down yourself, get it at Stew Leonard’s or in front of the local supermarket from the hillbillies living in their rickety old van parked nearby–just get home in enough time to make your bets.
1:00 Nine games. Just need one winner to get the party started, again. The NFL Red Zone channel will be stuck on one game in particular with scores coming early and often. Asking 49ers quarterback Blaine Gabbert to direct two touchdown drives might seem a lot to ask but the Bears will be in the thirty range so this is entirely possible with garbage time adding up and creeping to CHICAGO/San Fran OVER 43.
Ten minutes of 4 o’clock. The first bet cashes before late games start and long after the tree has been trimmed and decorated. The kids are pestering you for snacks. Give ’em sugar to get them out of the hair you have left. Popcorn balls are the answer. Trust me! Just Google it. You’re five beers into a twelve-pack and three Oscar Mayers into “heating” the house with alternative fuel. Remember one of Daily News cartoonist Bill Gallo’s characters called Johnny Unda? Johnny turns up every now and then and when he attends certain games there is very little scoring. He called in from the Oakland Alameda Coliseum. Angry Ward knows what this means…OAKLAND/Kansas City UNDER 44.5
The missus wants to know why you’re so charged up and it has nothing to do with looking at computer porn. This time at least. The money keeps flying in and you look at the wife like she’s a Victoria Secret model–what with all the beer and such. Stay the course with these investments as you’ll have plenty of time to rape your wife after the night game. Pittsburgh -7 over Indianapolis.
Monday, nine ante meridiem. You stroll into the office like Bob from the Cialis commercials. You’ve managed to stack your billfold to a $5,ooo erection heading into the Monday Night game. Fill the comments section with how you approach gambling on Dallas +4.5 over WASHINGTON.
Please feel free to chime in below.
