NEW YORK, NY – As Replacement Matt has his hands full working with Tall Matt and Short Matt (me) on a commercial, he asked one of us to replace him today. And since Tall Matt is like Chuck from Happy Days, it fell on my shoulders to talk about the Biggest Sports Lie of the Year, David Wright’s Return, Pro Rugby in NYC.
Here goes…
Biggest Sports Lie: When asked if Yoenis Cespedes was in any way in violation of his contract, Mets GM Brodie Van Wagenen declined comment. BUT then offered this preposterous prognostication: “We haven’t even thought about implications to a contract. Our focus right now is on the player’s health.” [Crashing sound of me falling off my chair laughing]. And from the You Can’t Make This Up Department: Van Wagenen was the lead agent who negotiated Cespedes’ four-year, $110 million deal before becoming the Mets’ GM. Hey Brodie, how f**king stupid do you think we are? Wait, don’t answer that. But while we’re talking about Cespy…
David Wright’s Return: Okay, this is just more about Cespedes and earlier this week Angry Ward picked up on what I have been saying for 2 years: Yoenis Cespedes is David Wright Part Deux. He’s yet another high-salaried former superstar whose shadow casts a pall on the organization. And this organization simply LIES [allegedly] about these injuries, when they occurred and when we should expect a healthy return of Savior Jesus Christ Yoenis… Can we just stop this bullspit, once and for all?! Do I have to run for office to force legislation making toying with fans illegal? Jesus Christ. Enough. And when I’m in office I’ll bring back the now-extinct “parking spot” that has gone extinct on Mayor POTUS Doofus.
Finally…
Pro Rugby in NYC: Hey, sue me. I’m plugging the Rugby United NY vs NOLA Gold match on Sunday at 1pm. Why? Because I’m do the play-by-play on SNY and ESPN+ from the home of the Brooklyn Cyclones in Coney Island. A dream has always been to be on the Mets’ channel, and while this isn’t what I thought after launching MeetTheMatts.com in 2005, it’s still pretty frogging cool. So do me a favor and tape it, watch pieces of it and offer me your critique. The goal is to get better and make it palpable for you “haters.” This game should be a good one. Both sides will play their best remaining players (14 weeks have taken their toll on rosters) as both, along with 4 others, are battling for 4 playoff spots in the final two weeks.
That’s it for now.
And in case you missed it, check out Replacement Matt, Tall Matt and Short Matt 3rd Person Matt?) in this all-time classic.
