Tag: Lenny Dykstra

Topping Tiger Woods. What Clemens, Vick, Rose, Dykstra, Harding Need to Do

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AUSGUSTA, GA –It was a big week in sports, but there was no bigger story than Tiger Woods, y’all. Tiger fell down the mountain in spectacular fashion. But on Sunday, he completed his eleven-year odyssey back to the top. No athlete has ever gotten back to the pinnacle of their sport after falling so hard. […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Ryan, Dykstra, Kemp and Other Trump Cabinet Choices

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BRONX, NY – Just recently, President-Elect Donald Trump’s top advisors (aka: Gingrich, Giuliani and the rest of the GOP walking dead) told Mr. Trump that it would be prudent to start thinking about his cabinet. Being the shrewd politico that he is, Donny hopped in his car and headed on over to IKEA. After purchasing […]

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Hey Sports Fans: Who Really Cares About Steroids?

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SPANISH HARLEM – With Lenny Dykstra in the media lately because of a new book that I already forgot the name of, I started thinking about steroids again. Okay- so what, I became interested only after hearing about possible drug binges with Charlie Sheen and Robert DeNiro, but that’s beside the point. After listening to Dykstra’s […]

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It’s 10:00 PM. Do You Know Where Your NBA and NFL Stars Are?

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MILWAUKEE, WI – As a major multinational media conglomerate, Meet The Matts is obligated to provide a certain number of Public Service Announcements each year. To satisfy this FCC requirement, our colleague JG Clancy got his pipes cleaned yesterday to show the importance of annual colonoscopies. Always smart to get rid of anything that may […]

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When It Comes To PED Use, Fans Are Guilty

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MILWAUKEE, WI – As far as Performance Enhancing Drugs go, we’ve been ignoring the 800 lb gorilla in the room – or at the stadium – John Q. Fan. That’s right, were all complicit. Face it, when your team is winning and your guy is hitting monster homers or racking up Ks on the hill, […]

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Tony Hawk goes Smithsonian, NFL Prison Football League, Aaron Hernandez, Hero and Villain of the Week

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RIKER’S ISLAND, NY – It’s Friday night on the longest day of the year and things are just, well, crazy!  And Preacher’s Row starts out on ‘Inmate Row‘ reporting to you from Riker’s Island where NFL Commish Roger Goodell just announced a new partnership with the Prison Football League (PFL). Apparently, so many NFL players […]

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Bracket Busters, WWE Bronco Busters, Yankees, Lenny Dykstra, Tiger, Jenna Jameson

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NEW YORK, NY – This week in sports has been crazy, to say the least. First of all, you watch the news without hearing of the amazing Cinderella story… not the Florida Gulf Coast University- killing-brackets-left-and-right–Bracket Busters story but rather that former WWE wrestler X-Pac tore his anus while performing a “Bronco Buster.” He will […]

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Angry Ward Wednesday: Silver Linings Playbook

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NEW YORK, NY – The wife and I made it out to the movies again last Saturday night which, up until recently, was unheard of. Let’s put it this way, ever since Li’l Angry arrived, I think I’ve been to the movies a total of five or six times in four years. Anyway, since the disaster that was The […]

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Extreme Wilpon-ing In Landfill Of Dreams

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PORT ST. LUCIE, FL – Another baseball season is on the horizon. Some people, mostly Yankee fans, await the 162 games + the inevitable expanded post-season, as the rest spend hard-earned money seeing their also-rans (Mets) perform… until they screw up and throw yet another year into the Landfill of Dreams. I’ll be a casual […]

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Thought You Had A Bad Day? Ask Belichick, Dykstra, Brunell & Sandusky About Theirs

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Monday Monday -It was the ever-unusual combo or raining and cold here in Los Angeles yesterday (and yes, in the fifties is freezing if you live out here for any stretch of time), but I was having a great day, really I was.  Daylight savings took all the pressure off the morning.  I broke out the […]

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