NEW YORK, NY – It was a big week in sports, to say the least. The Boston Red Sox, Mark Cuban, Rangers, Knicks and Tall Matt all caught our eye for various reasons and since Junoir Blaber forgot about his column today (which we became aware of at 4:04 am getting up to take a leak), we figured we’d recap the past 7 days with our Emergency Sports Week Recap:
Boston Red Sox: Proving that not shaving can save you energy and give you an ever-so-slight-but-critical advantage over your opponent, the Amish Bosox and Big PEDi made Cam James’ Cardinals Missouri miserable. In the process of finally exorcising The Curse of the Bambino by winning a World Series at Fenway for the first time since Babe Ruth was a Yawkey Way stud, the Beantown Boys also proved that smiling, nodding and acting like Forrest Gump gets you a pass in the eye of Public and Legal opinion. Meanwhile, your pal Alex Rodriguez gets vilified, crucified and held accountable for all that is wrong in Performance Enhanced Baseball. But hear this, David Ortiz: we’re on you like The Clear on Barry Bonds.
Madison Square Garden opened this week, allowing the New York Rangers to finally end their construction-fueled 20-game, season-opening road-trip… Above the ice on the hardwood, the New York Knicks dressed like pumpkins in a basketball game to commemorate the occasion, equaling the orange New York Mets orange jersey uniform package as the cheesiest in NY sports history… Hopefully, the last-second loss to Da Bulls in Chi-town with have the Knicks asking their fans, “Orange you glad we left those in Chicago?”
Mark Cuban is our idol. He’s making money hand over fist, says whatever he wants and plays with a professional sports franchise much the way a kids plays with Legos. Just listen to this interview. He calls Dwight Howard an idiot – along with any other player that doesn’t pick Dallas – and is now using Moneyball Matts-matics to justify Vince Carter and Dirk Nowitzki as reasons the team is okay after not landing any big fish in the off-season. And you know what? We’d work with this guy in a second; all he does is succeed.
Breaking Bad Matt: Having 6 kids from 3 babies’ mamas forced Tall Matt to spend time away from MeetTheMatts.com. In an attempt to feed, cloth and pimp his brood, while funding his Inwood condo, upstate weekend retreat, Mrs. Matt’s Disney addiction and Ballyheigue bungalow, the loftiest of the Matts was busy cooking up an ingenious, yet diabolical, money-making scheme… Or maybe it was just a costume. The photo has him with Angry Ward as The Hamburgler.
That’s it for now, it’s 5:53 AM and we’re going back to bed for two hours, before plotting Blaber’s death – figuratively. Please comment below, follow us on Twitter, check out DJ Eberle’s NFL Picks today and come back manana for Cheesy Bruin. Danke.