MIDTOWN EAST, NYC– Out of sheer empathy I’m here at Bellevue Hospital – sans straight jacket – to visit the Doctor Without Borders who is now the Doctor With Bacteria. Hospital phones were ringing off the hook with staffers calling in sick out of fear of contracting Ebola, the same way Las Vegas fears my Free NFL Picks at The Gamblers Source. After this hospital visit, I’m keeping the haz-mat suit for a Halloween costume that is sure to be a big hit and land me lots of candy. In that vein, today’s treats to fill your bag are…
Detroit -3.5 (46.5) over ATLANTA at LONDON
Okay, so you wake up late this morning after falling off the wagon/a gigantic bender to find what you think is just another pre-game show showing highlights. Don’t remember last week’s Lions-Falcons game? Neither do I. Wait. Look again. Those aren’t highlights from last week. No. Instead, it’s the latest attempt at cramming American football down the craw of blood-pudding-eating, rotten-toothed Brits. Quick, turn on the telly and pour a warm beer, chaps – for a little hair-of-the-dog. Where were these 9:30 a.m. eastern time starts when I had the expendable income that made me a gambling whore back in the day?
The Lions have been an under-performing bunch on offense largely because of injuries to key personnel, yet are sporting a nifty 5-2 record. The baby-making duo of Johnson & Bush [ahem] are both questionable for this London folly – unlike the fertile folly inside Buckingham Palace. Defence is how Detroit beats you these days and the trip across the pond shouldn’t slow the effort down. The Falcons are considered the home team today but any wanker will tell you this isn’t the Georgia Dome where performances contrast their poor play in road games. Losers of four straight, Atlanta is playing disinterested football as of late and is sure to get HC Mike Smith canned. Hardly the marquee match-up Londoners thought they’d be getting at season’s onset, they’re more likely to watch reruns of Doctor Who or Downton Abbey. I’ll be on the road up to Rhode Island, thankfully.
Final Score: Lions 31, Falcons 17
The Picks: Detroit -3.5 and OVER 46.5
NY JETS -3 (40.5) over Buffalo
Having last played on a Thursday night ten days ago, the J-E-T-S have had extra preparation for today’s tilt with Da Bills. The front office even went out and brought in new talent in the form of teammate punching, Percy Harvin. But Gang Green has become Gangrene, having lost six in a row. Simply put, they suck. Even with an ailing backfield the Bills can go into this gunfight with a water pistol and still come away with a victory. Kyle Orton doesn’t scare opposing defenses but neither does Geno Smith. This shapes up as a close contest. The Jets are favored for some reason but like I said they suck and that should be enough for you to take a flyer on the upstart Buffalo Bills fresh off an emotional last-second win against Angry Ward’s Minnesota Vikings.
Final Score: Bills 21, Jets 16
The Picks: Buffalo +3 and UNDER 40.5
Come back tomorrow for the always-entertaining West Coast Craig.