TAMPA, FL –
To the fans (especially Angry Ward),
I take full responsibility for the mistakes that led to my suspension for the 2014. I regret that my actions made the situation worse than it needed to be. To Major League Baseball, the Yankees, the Steinbrenner family, the Players Association and you, the fans, I can only say I’m sorry.
I am sorry that for much of my career, I have looked you all in the face, over and over again, and lied, lied and lied. I am truly sorry that I wasn’t a better lier and I now understand the look on Derek Jeter’s face when I got a tear to roll down my cheek during the press conference I called at training camp on Feb. 17, 2009 – a week after I lied on ESPN. That was when I said I was being immature and stupid, identified the drug as “boli,” and said I knew “we weren’t taking Tic Tacs.” This was just one of my one of my many fully-staged, on-camera denials. Again, I am sorry I wasn’t more convincing. If I was, we wouldn’t be here.
I am sorry for lying to CBS’ Katie Couric two years earlier, when I told her I never used performance-enhancing drugs. That was a good one… I mean bad one. But I love her new BMW commercial with a skinny and fat Bryant Gumble. I am sorry they didn’t show here believing me as part of the gag, though.
I am also sorry for parading Cameron Diaz and Kate Hudson around and not figuring out how to get them to play on the same team. That would have been cool. Even Jetes would have been jealous of that!
I am sorry for confessing to my involvement with Biogenesis founder Anthony Bosch January meeting with federal agents and prosecutors. That basically means that pretty much all of what Bosch testified in the MLB hearing that led to me getting suspended for the entire 2014 season, was true. And let me say, I am sorry that I am about to throw my cousin under the bus. He used to rub my pecs – and I’ll miss that.
I am sorry about the whole Peter Gammons thing, too. I am sorry that I went on a show with a guy that lisps and spits when he talks. That was very tough. And wet.
I am also sorry that I spent millions on attorneys and investigators, including lawsuits against MLB, the players union and the Yankees team doctor. But it did bring significant change to MLB’s Department of Investigations thanks to some of the dirt my team scraped up. See? I’m not all bad!
I am really sorry for going on Mike Fransomething… I’m sorry (again), I forget his name. You know him – the fat guy that sleeps during his own show . Anyway, I am sorry for going on his show in my greatest moment, fully and dramatically denying all charges over and over. Fat Mike (sorry, that’s how I know him) even stayed awake. I’m sorry, Fat Mike, for keeping you awake. I am also sorry for going to Queens to do the interview. I’m sorry, but that should be punishment enough.
And mostly, I am sorry that my kids and ex-wife have been through all of this. The lying, the womanizing, the public self-adoration. I should have just stayed married, cheated like I always do, denied everything and just written them a letter like this one. Oh, I’d and make sure they had Dish TV. That way, they wouldn’t be able to see most of this garbage and what they did see would be on a 12-second delay, meaning I could change the channel.
Finally, I am sorry you didn’t believe me the way I believe me. It would have made this all a lot nicer.
Junoir Blaber, a man that is sorry he doesn’t lie sometimes, tomorrow.