Opening Day Dreams, Duke and Fat Presidents Bartolo and Taft

Closing Day on Opening Day.

MIKE PENCE COMMUNITY CENTER, IN – I found some interesting tidbits to nibble (other than the Cinnamon Toast Crunch between my sofa’s cushions), as I was watched Duke hit the On Wisconsin/Off Switch.

Beating undefeated Kentucky last Saturday made the Badgers champions for this season. Asking a bunch of college kids to get up and ready emotionally – just 48 hours after the decade’s most impressive college hoops performance? This made the NCAA title game this season, against the entitled and utterly Dallas Cowboys-like-Duke, even more anti-climactic than usual. Naturally the Dukies managed to avoid Kentucky during their run to their 5th national championship.

That segues perfectly into? Bill Taft was our fattest PresidentMax Scherzer was the first pitcher with Heterochromia to win the Cy Young Award.  But since 1903, a team that lost its first game of the season went on to win that year’s World Series only 33 times. So Baseball’s best opening day team, the Mets held up against even the scary loaded Washington Nine and are indeed primed to cop the crown in 2015.                                                       metsies

Yes, your 2015 New York Mets are a juggernaut already threatening to run and hide from the competition. With just 161 games remaining, our boys from Flushing may have their division all but wrapped up by Brooklyn-Queens Day. Bartolo Colon-shredded in these pages for 2 years by the Eddie Gaedel of the MtM crew, was indeed the aforementioned William Howard Taft of the Mets pitching staff yesterday in shutting down the Senators and their slugger Frank Howard.  After Bryce Harper’s round-tripper, Colon channeled his inner Benny McRary, and watched as the slugger Lucas Duda ripped a two run single that plated two. This made Scherzer’s brown eyes blue and broke up the no-no he had authored to that point in the 6th.  And when the ol’ diminutive difference-maker himself Travis d’Arnauld ripped a triple for an insurance run an inning later, well you know the drill. Get the ball to Buddy Carlysle and get the hell out of the way. Am I right?


In the Bronx, the worst harbinger imaginable emerged for the latest version of the team formerly known as the Yankees.  A grand opening unlike anything seen outside of lifelong Yankee fan Larry David’s restaurant opening. Ace Japanese import Masahiro Tanaka was brutal and roughed up early and often by the tainted but talented platelet spinners from the North-the Toronto Blue Jays.  These are your “father’s Yankees” alright. As long as your father was around from the mid-60s to mid-70s. Old, boring and poorly run, it is high time the Bombers watched how the Mets did things in this town.

William_Taft bartolo_colon Meet_The_MattsMike Trout and Bryce Harper both dialed “8” on Opening Day. Sonny Gray was brilliant for Clancy’s A’s, and Houston’s Dallas Keuchel is the early favorite for AL Cy Young-on pace for 62 wins.  Some guys whom we all assumed could now only be seen in showed up on Opening Day rosters. Jeff Francouer anyone? (Philly) How about Dan Uggla being the starting second baseman for the Nats yesterday?!

The Magic is Back! So bring your kids out to see Our kids play. Baseball-the way it oughta be! Jerry Della Famina is smiling somewhere. Mets baseball-Act Fast…“We’re clinching early this year.”

Come back tomorrow for the Franklin Pierce of Mattville, who has finally started feeling himself again, Angry Ward.

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About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake