Carmelo Anthony is a PIG; A Tale of Two Dolans

Scowl much?

slaughterSEARCHLIGHT, NV—You know how difficult it is to find wholesome, feel good stories when it comes to the athletes we so admire today?  I do. This is why, as the Upton Sinclair of MeetTheMatts, I am compelled to go into sports’ slaughterhouses and expose the heinous acts committed against humanity.

Phil Jackson was hanging from a giant meat hook. Big Chief Triangle has convinced himself that it was his system that produced 11 championships. That-despite having Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, Horace Grant, Dennis Rodman, et al in Chicago, those teams would not have won a thing-without his beloved Triangle system. In Los Angeles, Kobe Bryant and Shaquille O’Neal were pedestrian players who won because of Jackson’s Triangle. Well, whatever the F&$%&ck the Triangle is? It hasn’t been played this poorly since Tracy Partridge.  tracy

Jackson has produced little more than a smug expression that never leaves his face. He is an unmitigated failure as Knicks GM. He has sent the Knicks careening into permanent mediocrity as a result of his deal with a devil named Carmelo Anthony. Carmelo still doesn’t realize that as his team’s best player, HE is supposed to be the guy to perform, to propel his team, to make his teammates better. He fails miserably at all three.


While extraordinary athletes dominate today’s NBA, Knick fans are left with Anthony. The most entertaining team in sports today remains the Golden State Warriors. The fact that they have now won 50 of their first 55 games is testament to how they play the game. They HAVE FUN. They share the ball; they’re unselfish, they have likable personalities and smile as they play basketball. Elite athletes leaving it all on the floor trying to win. Russell Westbrook, Anthony Davis – the new Isiah Thomas  – are just a few examples of NBA players who are having the times of their lives getting paid tens of millions of dollars to play basketball.

Scowl much?
Scowl much?

What do the Knicks have in Carmelo? A petulant, me-first, hero-ball-playing pig who cares first and foremost-about Carmelo. He’ll soon turn 32. If he hasn’t “gotten it yet,” he never will. He has bad knees and a terrible attitude. He is a finished product. A finished product that has exceeded his expiration date and his usefulness to his team.

With a permanent scowl on his face, he plays without joy, without passion. And without a commitment to win. Of all the moronic things Cable Boy Dolan has done, turning the keys to the franchise over to Triangle Boy and Melo are by far, the worst.

In a related story, at the Major League Baseball trade deadline last summer, one of the deals discussed had the Cleveland Indians trading away infielder Mike Aviles. Then the Indians’ owner heard about Aviles’ “situation” and ordered a stop to the trade. Aviles, he stated, needed to be with this family so that he could stay with his 5-yearold daughter, Adriana. Aviles’ little girl had Leukemia. The team, including management and the Tribe’s owner, shaved their heads in support of Adriana. She got to throw out the first pitch at an Indians game last summer, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

Over the Winter, Aviles signed with the Detroit Tigers, and happily announced at Spring Training last week that Adriana was now cancer-free.

And that Indians’ owner who stepped up and supported Mike and Adriana? His name is Larry Dolan. AKA, Jim Dolan‘s Uncle.

Comment below, follow me on Twitter (@AldersonFake) and be sure to check out Angry Ward’s uplifting recollection of his Dad, a Mets illustrator, jazz aficionado and huge sports fan.

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About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake