Big Ben Whitney: Comical Recap of New York Giants Loss to Atlanta Live Blog

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You're welcome

Atlanta, GA: As ridiculous as the NFC East is, the New York Giants had a chance to at least keep things interesting with a win in Atlanta. It’s hard to picture the Giants secondary being able to match up with the Falcons receivers, but you never know.

As I write, the score is 13-6. The Giants are in it. But this defense isn’t going to hold up. I don’t know where I’m going with this thing. Maybe I’ll just live blog it.

This guy better get it together

Eli was 11 for 13 in the first half.  Only two incompletions, but they only managed a FG. Penalties, check downs, and sacks are not the highlights of a winning team.

The Jackrabbit makes a game turning strip. The Giants immediately hit a big play. Here we go! Then three straight incomplete passes where the had guys open but weren’t on the same page. Bang that one in and we’re in business. They settle for 3 and cut it to 13-6.

What’s with Booger McFarland broadcasting from the sideline? Have they been doing this all year? Booger just reported that he used to pee right on the bench in his day. Odell Beckham is a diva for needing to run to the bathroom. Ok then, good to know.

Diva WRs using a toilet!

Booger also mentioned Odell saying he wasn’t a fan of water. I hear that. I don’t really like oxygen much.

I was about to write “can I be done yet?” then Tevin Coleman broke the back breaking TD run on third and one. The Giants D has held up pretty well, considering, but the pressure builds when your offense can’t score TDs.

Here comes the part where the Giants score a TD that doesn’t matter. Hey how about some cool stats about the Giants. They are 0-23 on the road when trailing at halftime. They are 0-18 in games when they’ve trailed by a touchdown or more. So basically, if you score a TD on the Giants are your opening possession, it’s over. Brutal.

Two straight nice plays from Barkley, one where he tripped and popped back up like a ninja before he was touched. His streak of games with 100 yards from scrimmage is in jeopardy.

Speaking of Saquon, did they say earlier that he squats 650 pounds for 12 reps? Jaysus H. Schwartzenegger. That puts his one rep max at around 900 pounds. I can barely pick up my 25 pound daughters.

You’re welcome

Eli just figured out that Odell doesn’t have to be wide open to catch the ball. My dog Chief could have told him that.

Saquon bangs it in. Why can’t the Giants do that before desperation time? They’re not going to win pull this out. The refs are going to review this while I dunk my head in a bowl of whiskey.

The Giants go for two for some reason. Odell drops it. Booger is deservedly killing Shurmur. If you want to go for the win, do it on the next TD. That won’t come, so it doesn’t matter.

I wouldn’t want to be Bettcher right now. You need pressure on Ryan, but your coverage guys won’t hold up. The Giants get to a big third down. Is Dont’a Hightower available.

Great shot of Barkley looking confused when Shurmur tells him they’re going for two.

Unsurprisingly, the Falcons pick on Eli Apple and get the first down. One more first down does it. Ryan hits his seventeenth straight completion. You know how this is going to end. I’m out.

P: Throw it to Odell on 4th down. E: I can’t.

I’m back! Two false start penalties bring up a fourth down. It looks like the Falcons are going to go for it, but after a break, they decide to opt for a long FG. Noonan! Oh course he drills it. Balls. Somehow I’m still mad even though this was inevitable.

The Giants hit a bomb to Shepard, to make sure my fantasy football team doesn’t win either, and quickly get into the red zone. They get to the one and waste 40 seconds with two QB Eli sneaks that go nowhere.

I can’t believe that power O-line and athletic Eli couldn’t score on two straight sneaks. They hit Odell for a TD but there’s only five seconds left. They try a weird onside pooch punt, I guess because they’d be in FG range if they miraculously recover it. They don’t. But they succeeded in making this loss more painful.

Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, if you like painful endings. Follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matt

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About Ben Whitney 325 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.