America’s Pastime Shroud: Jimmy Stewart, Christian Yelich, Tarnished Derek Jeter, Marv Albert

INDIANA, PA – You don’t get any more American than this small Pennsylvania town, which happens to be the home of Jimmy Stewart. And we got here via another icon of Americana, U-Haul. Driving a 15′ truck filled to the gills with furniture and boxes of whatnot, the wife followed yours anxiously in our 1998 Crown Victoria, which conked out on us the day before, as we turned on to our street from a quick 72-hour Fire Island vacation. Now, some will say that we were lucky The Vic didn’t break down on the sweltering Long Island Expressway, or the rush-hour quagmire that is the Midtown Tunnel. But after dropping $1600 two weeks ago to just pass inspection for various ailments, the lucky don’t watch their aging beauty hauled off on a flatbed to “your guy” in Union City, NJ. Did I mention that U-Haul overbooked and was trying to convince me to take a 10-footer back and forth twice to Pittsburgh? After many expletives, hours on the phone and Twitter shaming, they managed to scrape up a 15-foot truck AND we can leave it here! Oh, and the wife forgot the key to our U-Haul storage bin, so that cost us a quick three hours… and had us arrive here at 11:36 pm last night. ANYWHO… Speaking of Americana, let’s talk America’s Pastime.

Christian Yelich: Letting this catch go may be the one thing that somewhat taints Marlins honcho Derek Jeter’s career in MLB. Jimmy_Stewart, Christian_Yelich, Meet_The_MattsSort of like Marv Albert and the the lingerie, hooker and biting. Do you think the Fish are better off without an outfield of Giancarlo Stanton, Marcell Ozuna and Yelich? Right now they have Starlin Castro to show for those guys. This falls directly on D’Jetes. (That’s Jimmy Stewart to the right).

But let’s talk C-Yels. The 30-30 Club is not a strip joint. It’s an elite baseball group and has 40 guys in it. That’s 30 Dingers and 30 Swipes. 4 guys have 40-40. Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Alfonso Soriano and The Man That Makes His Peers Cringe, Jose Canseco. Yelich is on pace to be in the new and ultra exclusive 50-30 Club. Heady waters for a guy that really wasn’t a home run hitter. He’s like Daniel Murphy in the 2015 post-season… but sustaining it over the course of 2+ seasons. This stunning success and ascension into baseball’s elite doesn’t come without scrutiny, though. Is he a Luis Gonzalez or Brady Anderson? Hey, the shroud of PEDs, steroids, The Cream and whatever new drug that makes these look like Pong next to Play Station hovers over all now. And the guy plays with Ryan Braun, the piece of shit bunk tile that vehemently denied doping and accused the poor slob pee-handler of being an anti-Semite. (All of the aforementioned alleged, of course).

Nice work, Ryan. You still look like a wide-eyed Brendan Fraser. #OhSnap

And there you have it. Time to unload a truck into a very patient and kind in-laws’ basement. ComeĀ  back tomorrow for a man always enmeshed in law, Cheesy Bruin. But first, leave your comments below.

P.s… The crosswalks here in Indiana, PA have Jimmy Stewart’s voice, which he recorded, telling you when to cross. Very cool, knowing a WWII bomber pilot is still looking after us.

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About Matt McCarthy 372 Articles
Matt McCarthy, is the MTM founder and consequently wears many hats: Director, Editor, Writer, Web guy and Podcaster... Also known as Short Matt, he's also a two-bit actor, voice-over pro, rugby, baseball and ice hockey player and likes hazelnut coffee with rice milk, while strolling in the sand, listening to foreign films... Matt also moonlights on MTM spin-off,, often wearing a wig and glasses while butchering a Kiwi accent.