NOTE: Our man Cheesy Bruin got some less-than-stellar news on the health front. Let’s raise our glasses to his full and speedy return to the proverbial rotation.
CORONA, NY – No, this is not where the #Coronavirus originated. It is, however, where a pox on the borough of Queens and Mets fans everywhere was about to land. That, plus Tim Tebow and The Masked Singer are the topics for today’s piece.
Pox On Queens: Thank you, Sweet Baby Jesus!!! The rumored “other” plague-against-humanity that is Alex Rodriguez, has pulled out [ahem] in his quest to own the New York Mets. Thanks to all gods, false idols and whomever else had a say in getting this despicable human being – far worse than the Wilpons – from haunting us fans of the orange and blue more than that blasted Dodgers rotunda, for years to come. What was the cure? What vaccine was invented in the last minutes to keep J-Rod from infecting us? Why, it was good ol’ fashioned Wilpon greed! An antibody comprised of unrealistic numbers during the #Covid-19 and zero SNY in the mix. That was the key to stopping this horrible plight from taking [delayed] flight (LGA pun); only the cash-strapped, financially lilting ball club was up for sale. The TV network, which makes good money using discount B-Movie talent and sh!tty shows in which yelling makes up for any lack of creativity. And yes, yours truly is running down that “boy cried Wilpon” path, but Jesus, anybody but A-Rod. That is the Best MLB News Ever... Until the next douche comes along, that is.
Tim Tebow and The Masked Singer: Look, we’re all jonesing for something to watch. The wife and I sat through all of Money Heist on Netfilx. We watched the dubbed version, as it was shot in Spain and in Spanish. NOTE TO SELF: Dubbed things don’t work. Some of the translations were comical in serious moments. “Why don’t you mouth my anal cavity as it leaps past you?!” The ridiculously unnecessary and out-of-the-blue subplots are guffaw-inducing but they are not meant to be funny. The forced injection of male genitalia references was/is the stuff of clueless 12-yearolds in the schoolyard acting like Casanovas. Subtitles won’t make any difference and why this thing is anything more than a decent time-filling, under-two-hours movie, is beyond me. And now everyone is wearing Dali masks because of this Emperor’s New Clothes reboot.
But what the flock does this have to do with Tim Tebow? Good question. The above was a big reason/excuse for us watching The Masked Singer. It’s a show that started in South Korea and has been recreated on steroids with an influx of FOX cash. It’s got the panel of celebrities that needs someone (insert Nick Cannon) to explain who they are, with the exception of Dr. Ken from Hangover and Joel McHale. Okay, we all know who Jenny McCarthy is but CHRIST ALMIGHTY, she’s famous for posing nude 25 years ago. And Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke’s kid and found fame on his own ripping off Marvin Gaye. All that considered, it’s still a better option than Money Heist and we’ve been playing catch-up. The downside is that FOX On-Demand doesn’t allow fast-forwarding. ANYWAY, the singers are celebs but nobody knows who they are until they are eliminated. And some are really good. And it’s shocking – somewhat – when you find out who they are. Like Sarah Palin doing “Baby’s Got Back.” Athletes get in the mix too, and Tim Tebow has been guessed no less than 5 times in the 2+ seasons we’ve seen so far. If this guy can sing at all, he should punch his agents in the face for not suggesting he pursue that career 10 years ago… And the best part of of why they keep picking Tebow is that the “clue packages” might include the contestant talking about a “...fall from the top” or “…everyone questioning my ability.” So anytime it’s obviously a big dude, Tebow’s name gets incorrectly guessed, and it’s always tied to career tragedy. Hey, I find that entertaining. Call it jealousy or being petty. Go ahead. It is.
That’s all for today, come back tomorrow for a man that is never petty, Junoir Blaber, who is reopening Western New York on Tuesday.
