MAPLE WOOD, NJ – Good day to all ye faithful readers… Yes, I am still among the living and above ground after having a brain tumor removed on Sept 11, 2020. 
It seems my surgery was successful. Still awaiting the final report from the [Hold The] Mayo Clinic has put in, as Larry David once said “the good cancer” category. It was not what they call a mego-blastoma (the kind that took out John McCain and Hunter Biden and seems to be expressing signs of mutation, which lessens the likeliness it will expand to other parts my body. The MRI’s have shown they got the whole bastard out in the surgery. Next up on the docket -after this column – I start chemotherapy and radiation treatments… can’t wait for that! Apparently, they are a little gentler these days with that stuff.
After spending a long weekend in the hospital I was dispatched to the Atlantic Rehabilitation Institute in Madison, NJ to begin my physical and speech and occupation therapy, which I’m sure will please the bureau chief Vegan Matt to no end… Maybe he was right that I have been a little off, because this mass had probably been in my head for some time now… I’d like to blame the current state of bad juju in our naton and the lack of respect for peoples differences, as much to blame as anything for this whopper that appeared on my noggin…
As I began to work through my physical therapy, generally the highlight of my day because I get to move about a bit, I was incredibly reassured to learn my therapists all had the same teams as me; fellow fans of the Mets, Giants and Rangers and Knicks. I was like you know this is going to work out I think… I was having different thoughts earlier when one the nurses told me after seeing a Met jersey in my closet that it might not work out between us. My reply? What, are you a Yankee fan? She said yes and I said I didn’t think we were going to be able to work together… In all honesty, she was nice enough and the nurses are true heroes, as every first responder I have had the pleasure of encountering throughout this process. I may now need to dedicate my life to supporting them as they have played no small part in keeping me on the Earth right now.
Also… I wanted to tip my cap to my amazin’ family and friends, who’s outpouring of love and support throughout this process has kept me in the game. Would also like to apologize for the lateness of this column as I am simultaneously dealing with hurdles of the medical bureaucracy in this country, which seems to tell me they really don’t think All Lives Matter, even though I have health insurance.
Speaking of healthy insurance, come back tomorrow for Short Matt/Vegan Matt, who never seems to have any.
