NEW YORK, NY – This likely finds you getting your chips, salsa and favorite beverages ready for tomorrow’s big game tomorrow on MSG at 2:30 PM. That’s the game yours truly will be calling, of course, between Rugby United NY and Old Glory D.C. in Major League Rugby action. But you knew that, right? Let’s talk about something you don’t know, or wisely chose not to dive into. Things like: Butch Huskey, Lazy Mets, Sandy Alderson
You know there is someone out there that was wondering, “Why the HELL is everyone wearing Butch Huskey’s number?” As a tortured, irreversibly damaged NY Mets fan, I admit I briefly entertained this preposterous notion, before quickly realizing it was in homage to Jackie Robinson. But there is no doubt in my mind that there were some very confused Huskey and Mariano Rivera fans out there.
Continuing with a millennial’s gnat-like attention span (#OhSnap), my scattered focus brings us to the next topic
Holy slackers, Batman, is this team every going to play baseball?! What’s with all the off-days!? All they are doing is fueling the likes of Cam James, who points at their putrid run production compared to his Saint Louis Cardinals. So stop loafing and get backing to not scoring, leaving runners on base, and losing extremely winnable games already! And enough with the snow angels in Denver, already!!!
While the Amazins may be lazy, they certainly remain randy.
*RANDY SANDY ALDERSON
The great Big Al Sternberg is spinning like a top in Heaven’s Diamond Club, having called out Alderson when he was brought in by the Mets the first time. He referred to him as “a know-it-all, smug, douche” – that may be a condensed quote, but it’s accurate. Now, with more insight to the systemic Creep Culture TM coursing through the clubhouse and executive offices, we can understand why the team has sucked so long: From “D–k Pic Mick” Callaway to Jared “Penis Text” Porter and Joey “Unwanted Back Rub” DeVito, all were too busy trying to cop feels. Who has time to shore-up the rotation, get productive offensive talent that can actually field or spend money wisely when you’re constantly walking around with something other than “keys” in your front pocket? It’s hard work, but someone has to do it. (bad pun intended). You just know there’s a Randy Johnson smiling someplace. (David Newman [allegedly] loved that one).
Speaking of inappropriate staff members, come back tomorrow for Cheesy Bruin, who has asked me to sit on his lap more than once.
*This is not implying Sandy Alderson acted in a sexually inappropriate fashion. It is merely a name pun.