STOP THE PRESSES: Beckham’s Back and the Yankees Are Making the Playoffs!

A-Rod's tears of joy. Oh no, wait. The piece of sh!t was lying.

CLEVELAND, OH – Don’t worry, I’m only in Drew Carey’s town in mind – not in body. That would be too much. You know what else is too much? The Odell Beckham bulls!t. And so is this woe-is-me, fair-weather Yankees fan dogsh!t. With that, here’s what’s on the agenda: Beckham’s Back and the Yankees Are Making the Playoffs!

Beckham’s Back

For New York Giants fans, Odell Beckham, Jr was about as reliable as the post-2015 version of Yoenis Cespedes was for the Mets… for the rest of his career. When he was traded to the Browns for Jabrill Peppers and the pick that would become Dexter Lawrence, there was mostly a sigh of relief in Giants Nation (Angry Ward loves that name). Granted, Beckham is as talented as they come. But Jesus H. Alou is he frustrating for a coach, team and fan-base. The tease of him is like the tease of a fix for an addict. Well, not really, but you get the point. And his certain “Je ne sais quoi” has fully rubbed off on his teammates. Check out what Myles “I’ll Tear Your Helmet Off” Garrett had to say:

We all know what kind of talent he has and what he brings to the field, and he looked at me Monday and said, ‘It’s time,’ and I started rubbing my hands together. Finally the world gets to see this man. Now we just got to see that chemistry out there that we were missing last year.”

You poor bastard. Chemistry is NOT something your man OBJ is known for, guy. Better you than me. I’ve had my share of David Wrights and Cespedeses. Beckham’s all yours. Sorry Drew. You should have taken the little box. [Ahem]

Yankees Are Making the Playoffs

Mattstradamus

You hear that? That’s the sound of the Yankee Bandwagon revving up again. And guess what? This Met fan was right about the Stanks… again. Go back to the All-Star break. I said right here on this site that the Mets were all smoke and mirrors and the Yanks were too good on paper not to make the playoffs. Yet, until basically last night, that bandwagon was for sale on E-Bay and the only sound emanating from the Bronx was that of a consistent, annoying whine. Further, the rest of the MTM Staff scoffed at yours humbly. Mind you, this was for a team that has been 15+ games over .500 for a month. But there was the unrelenting whining. What a bunch of p*ssies Yankee Nation (for Angry Ward again) is. Wait… Billy Crystal just called. He’ll be throwing out the first pitch after the road-trip ends. He needs us to remind him not to wear his Dodgers or Mets cap.

And with that, I’m out. Please feel free to offer you wisdom below and come back tomorrow for Grinding Ax Walt, a man that once dove into a pile of boobs and came out sucking his thumb.

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About Matt McCarthy 251 Articles
Matt McCarthy, is the MTM founder and consequently wears many hats: Director, Editor, Writer, Web guy and Podcaster... Also known as Short Matt, he's also a two-bit actor, voice-over pro, rugby, baseball and ice hockey player and likes hazelnut coffee with rice milk, while strolling in the sand, listening to foreign films... Matt also moonlights on MTM spin-off, RugbyWrapUp.com, often wearing a wig and glasses while butchering a Kiwi accent.