Angry Ward Wednesday: MLB Openers with Aaron Judge Contract Drama, More Mets Woes, and a Possible Oakland A’s Relocation

Judge for Altuve trade, Mets' Blow-Up starters, another Yankees' mistake.

NEW YORK, NY – Baseball season opens tomorrow. It’s that one wonderful day when fans of every baseball team, except the Orioles, can allow themselves to dream: “Maybe this will be our year.” Soon thereafter the stark realities of MLB’s “haves” and “have-nots” sinks in, and everybody goes about their normal business of complaining about everything under the sun and waiting for football to start. Until then, here are a few observations about the upcoming season.

Douch or Whore?

Opening Day Pitching. As of this writing, a couple of things jumped out regarding the pitching matchups for tomorrow, both involving the New York teams. First, the Yankees are (weather-permitting) hosting the Red Sox. It’s Gerrit Cole vs. Nathan Eovaldi. Cole was no bargain last year, but if the best you can throw out there on Opening Day is Nathan Eovaldi, how good can you be? It could be worse, though. Right now on MLB.com the Mets @ Nationals game match-up is listed as TBD vs Corbin. I miss the days of George Thomas Seaver going out there every single opening day and absolutely dealing. It’s nice when there are things you can count on. God do I wish the Mets had a Nathan Eovaldi to throw out there.

JG Clancy Oakland A's podium, Meet-The-Matts
JG Clancy

Aaron Judge Contract. Just a little more than 24 hours until the imposed Opening Day deadline for a contract extension for Aaron Judge from the New York Yankees. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. Although Carlos Beltran would have you believe that the deal’s already done, as he said on TV the other day… until he walked it all the way back. Still, it sounded like he knew something, just the way he knew things when he played for the Astros. Funny how he now works for the Yankees. When are they gonna acquire Altuve already? Oh, in case you haven’t heard, Billy Crystal will be throwing out first pitch at his eponymous Whore Emporium tomorrow. After that he’s probably gonna jump on Metro North and throw Momma from the train.

Another Mets Pitcher Ailing? Taijuan Walker’s surgically-repaired right knee is the latest injury flare-up for the Mets. He says he’ll be fine but we’ve all seen this Final Destination movie before. No one gets out alive. Rob Manfred and all the other doofuses at MLB HQ should seriously consider renaming the IL after the Mets. Call it something like the Metical Tent or Mr. Met’s Oopsie Hospital.

Joe-Biden, John Kerry, Kerry Gold Butter, Meet-The-Matts, Ward-Calhoun, Angry_WardGo A’s! As the Oakland Athletics continue to cut their payroll down to MTM proportions, there are rumors swirling that the team will soon be moving to Ireland with their lone remaining fan, JG Clancy. Once there, they’ll most likely work the land, form an Irish Wiffle Ball League, and enjoy Kerrygold butter aplenty. They could do a lot worse.

Finally, did we mention that Marwin Gonzalez has made the Yankees’ Opening Day roster? “Who is Marwin Gonzalez?,” you ask. Well, he’s just another of those fun-loving 2017 Houston Astros who, according to Brian Cashman, cheated the Yanks out of another World Championship. In fact, maybe no one benefited from the cheating as much as good old Marwin. Check the numbers, kids. So, for the final time, Brian Cashman and all Yankees fans need to shut the f**k up about the Astros and 2017.

Enjoy Opening Day tomorrow and come back for Yankee aficionado Buddy Diaz, who will be the first to tell you that Marwin Gonzalez is a great guy.

 

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About Angry Ward 649 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.