Angry Ward: Ripped from Yesterday’s Headlines – Dray Stomps, Hamlin Returns, and Mixed Blowout Results for Rangers and Knicks

Angry Ward, Anthony Volpe, Roger Goodell, NFL, NBA Playoffs, Damar Hamlin, Draymond Green, Meet-The-Matts, Ward Calhoun, #GoogleAlerts

NEW YORK, NY – It’s Wednesday April 19th. *sigh* Hope everyone got their taxes done… I guess. You know what can sometimes be taxing? Writing this column. I mean, you’ve read the drivel, it’s certainly not difficult to puke out a post, but it does wear on you every now and again. So, for today, let’s just rip some sports headlines and see where it goes.

Headline 1. Draymond Green Explains Stomp: “I Gotta Land My Foot Somewhere.” I think LeBron used a similar excuse years ago when he dragged his undercarriage over Draymond’s head: “Hey, I gotta rest it somewhere.” Anyway, this Sabonis guy is no dope. He knew how to get to Green and then claimed there was no place in the game for his response. Get bent, you Sacramento Sh!tsack. It’s sad, but I think this is probably Green’s last year with the Warriors. He was as important part of their 4 titles as anyone, but it’s time to move on. He’ll probably end up on one of the LA teams and win another ring. Watch. I also think he might make a great hot-headed coach one of these days. That could be fun.

Headline 2. Bills Hamlin Fully Cleared After Cardiac Arrest. Anyone who watched Buffalo Bills’ safety Damar Hamlin collapse on the field in that January 2nd game at Cincinnati probably has a bit of trepidation about his prospective return to football. But it looks like that’s where we’re going. Part of me likes to imagine that this is Hamlin just playing a game of chicken with Roger Goodell and the NFL. Threaten to come back and then wait for them to blink and pay you a boatload to please stay away. Hell, they’ve done it before, and that was just about someone kneeling. Good luck to Mr. Hamlin, but it still makes me nervous.

Headline 3. MLB to Test More Rule Changes in Atlantic League. I have some suggested rule changes for them to try out. *No charging more than 5 bucks for a hot dog. *Mandatory organ music at all ballparks. *Only one player named Giancarlo at a time allowed on the IL. *Anyone who shows up after the end of the first inning has no claim to their ticketed seats. It’s a free-for-all after the first. *Ban the intentional walk. *Ban Short Matt. *Ban Roll On.

Headline 4. Sources: Steelers Set to Trade for Rams WR Allen Robinson. You want to talk about a slow news week. Sources? Does anyone care about this? I mean do the Steelers even care? Allen Robinson? Apparently there’s also a spicy swap of 7th round picks involved. ¡Muy caliente!

Headlines 5-6. Blueshirts Bedevil Jersey. Cavs Crush Knicks. I mean, I had to include these two, right? The Rangers just destroyed the Devils last night. I never knew playoff hockey could be so quiet. It was like a wake. Anyway, it was a different story in Cleveland. I think there was more hitting too. Really physical game and the Cavaliers laid the Knicks to waste. Two quick observations about the Knicks. RJ Barrett often has an expression on his face like one of Mike Tyson’s early opponents. The sort of look that says: “What am I doing here?” Also, I have a theory that Julius Randle is actually 50 years old.

OK, that’s all for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who probably should have started for the Yankees last night.

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About Angry Ward 742 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.