WHITESTONE, NY – At the age of 50 former Major League Baseball pitcher Bartolo Colon has finally announced his retirement. Colon pitched 21 seasons and had a career win/loss total of 247-188. Colon has not thrown a MLB pitch since 2018 when he was a Texas Ranger. He made it known that he was available for someone’s rotation, but the geniuses that control the game today simply ignored him.
Colon was a poster boy for the line age is just a number. He was putting up his own numbers into his mid-forties. As a Met, he put up win totals of 15, 14, and 15 in his three seasons pitching for a staff that included Matt Harvey, Noel Syndergaard, and Jacob deGrom.
Colon was the fourth starter among these young phenoms who were portrayed to be the future stars. Nicknamed Big Sexy, Colon was a fan favorite and til this day has more wins than all three of those so-called young studs that were his Mets teammates… that are now ex-Mets.
The Dark Knight, who was Matt Harvey, also recently announced his retirement after nine seasons. His win/loss total was 50-66. His [alleged] cocaine intake is unavailable and he should have followed Colon’s intake of rice and beans.
Noah Syndergaard, aka Thor, is in his 8th season and is a combined 58-45.
deGoat or deGrominator – as in Jacob deGrom – is in his 10th season with a 84-57 record. He’s also on the disabled list getting ready for Tommy John Surgery. Syndergaard is also on that list, as he tries to find himself.
All three of those future superstars have a combined lifetime win total of 192 to this date. Colon’s career total stands at 247. I’ll take Colon right now at the age of 50 over the [alleged] coke-head Harvey, the scrub Syndergaard and the injury-prone deGrom.
Watching Bart pitch was always fun. Watching him hit was even more fun. When the others pitched it was always in a protective mode. It was a pitch by pitch basis to protect their futures. All this while the old fat guy ate up innings and won ballgames.
My message to the human strike machine that Colon was is: Don’t throw out your cleats and mitt. If I ever buy a team you will be in my pitching rotation, no matter how old you are.
Gimme the throwback over those other three any time.