STAMFORD, CT – It’s ten days from Thanksgiving but I already see Christmas decorations on my block. Come on people, we still have a half a bucket of Halloween candy. You know what else pisses me off? Bad QB play. We saw a lot of it this weekend, and not just with the Giants and Jets. On the bright side, rookie CJ Stroud and cast-off Joshua Dobbs are playing some impressive ball. And in case you missed it, Bill Belichick was looking like a confused old man in Frankfurt. Let’s go.
Sucky Signal Callers
The horrendous QB play was particularly painful in the games on outside of the Sunday one and four pm windows. It started on Thursday night with Bryce Young and Tyson Bagent. It continued early on Sunday with happy feet Gardner Minshew and Mac Jones. They sprinkled in a little bit of Bailey Zappe for fun, and finished off on Sunday night with Zach Wilson and Aidan O’Connell. And if you were lucky enough to catch the Giants’ game, you also got to witness the great Tommy DeVito in action.
Get your MTM Vomit Bag ready for some rough stats. The seven teams that employed those QBs averaged under 13 points. They threw only three TDs combined, including two garbage timers by DeVito. So basically, those eight QBs threw one non-meaningless TD – a nice grab by Raiders’ TE Michael Mayer against the Jets. They were picked off six times and took 18 sacks. They averaged only 149 yards passing (combining the two Pats QBs). Zach Wilson was the only one to break 200 yards passing. U.G.L.Y.
Joshua > Zachary
Pouring salt into the wound for the Jets was journeyman Joshua Dobbs lighting it up again for the Vikings. Dobbs has now led the Vikings to consecutive wins and all it took to get him was (check notes) a measly sixth round pick.
No thanks, we’re good with Zach. He’s this close to breaking out, we swear.
The Jets have already announced that Zach is still the starter.
Stroud and Proud
Another guy making QB-ing look easy is rookie CJ Stroud. The Texans might have had what looked liked the worst group of skill players in the league. Well, he is making depth guys like Noah Brown look like stars. With consecutive comeback dubs against the Bucs and Bengals, this team is currently the third wildcard. Wow. This dude checks all the boxes.
I don’t think it’s too early to declare him the best QB in the 2023 draft class. The Panthers are kicking themselves for giving up a truckload of picks to draft the wrong guy.
Speaking of the wrong guy, Billy Belichick sure looked like a clueless old fart in Frankfurt. Most coaches have a color coded, laminated play sheet on sideline, while Bill was talking notes on what looked like a blank sheet of paper with a dull pencil. And he can’t find a better place to keep the challenge flag then his sock? Is this dude trying to get fired?
Going from Tom Brady to Mac Jones must be like going from dating Taylor Swift to dating Jonathan Swift. Or going from Shakespeare to Meet The Matts!
My dude Mac just falls down when rushers get near him. Not to be outdone, Zappe’s fake spike was pretty terrible. QBs don’t usually drop back when they spike it, Bailey. It’s kind of a giveaway. Bill’s time in New England looks like it’s coming to an end.
My time has also come to an end. Come back tomorrow for Angry Ward, still lamenting the injury to Cousins, his all-time favorite athlete.