NEW YORK, NY – Here it is Wednesday again. I can’t believe it’s already January 43rd. Time sure flies when you’re waiting for pitchers and catchers to report and to see which NFL team (once again, not yours) will be Super Bowl champion. I shouldn’t complain though, because February is looming… like ax-wielding Jack Torrance waiting to chase me around that hedge maze from The Shining. Let’s limber up for that yearly horror month by talking some sports.
I’m Still Not Buying Kansas City. I know that everyone watched Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs go in to Buffalo last Sunday night and take out what was one of the hottest teams in the NFL, but I’d pump the brakes on the idea that KC can just “turn it on” come playoff time. I watched this team stumble around in the dark all year—particularly offensively—to believe that they have solved all of their problems. Yes, Mahomes is still a great quarterback and, yes, Isiah Pacheco runs like he he really doesn’t give a sh!t about his or anyone else’s body, but let’s not lose sight of the fact that they just (barely) beat one of the most cursed teams in NFL history. Also who decided, after weeks of teams knowing which Chiefs offensive player to take away, that it was a good idea to let Travis Kelce once again roam free? Not the smartest move. I’m not saying KC can’t win this Sunday, because that would be stupid, but I am saying that there’s a chance they throw up a stinker.
Joel Embiid Drops 70 on the Spurs. So, Monday night 76ers MVP big man Joel Embiid went for 70 points against the Spurs, topping Wilt Chamberlain’s single-game Sixers record of 68. Yeah, Wilt hit 100 with the Philadelphia Warriors. Anyway, about that seemingly untouchable 100 mark, I would not be shocked to see it at least matched within the next few years. There are still a hell of a lot of #NBA teams that don’t want anything to do with playing defense and more players than ever deadly from 3-point range. Look at me, stepping on Buddy’s toes talking basketball? Not many had that on their Wednesday BINGO card, I bet. Let’s move on.
Here’s a headline for you…
Uga X, Bulldogs’ All-Time Winningest Mascot, Dies. What a storied career this perpetually-panting slobberpuss had. ESPN should to a 30 for 30 on him. From his humble beginnings as a leg-humping pup, to him treating the SEC as his own personal wee-wee pad—going 91-18 and single-pawedly winning two National Titles—to his well-earned retirement following the 2022 season, Uga X’s story makes Rudy look like a joke… which he kinda is anyway. This headline does bring up the question: Who is the all-time winningest mascot? The Philly Phanatic? Phoenix Suns Gorilla? It sure ain’t Short Matt. I know our own JG Clancy probably has never-to-be-forgotten and gone-too-soon New York Yankees mascot, Dandy’s win totals readily available. Stay tuned.
The Feeling is Mutual. You know what company’s commercials really make me want to be placed in a medically-induced coma for the next decade or so? Liberty Mutual. They are truly awful. What’s worse is, when a client gives you some freedom to actually make something funny (kinda rare) and you fail so spectacularly. Please make these spots, if not the entire enterprise, go away.
Okay, it’s time for me to go away and clear the decks for Buddy Diaz, who should be back from Puerto Rico by now.