Bad Joke Day: Cole MRI, Rangers Deadline Moves, Saquon to Eagles, Giants in Disarray

STAMFORD, CT – With clocks springing forward and spring almost sprung, I was in a good mood. But then I learned that the Yankees’ ace Gerrit Cole is scheduled for an MRI on Monday. Then I heard that Saquon Barkley signed with the hated Eagles. And the Rangers, my only team looking good at present, didn’t do much at the deadline. All you can do is laugh. We’ve got a lot to cover so let’s throw in some bad jokes to take the edge off.

MRI for Gerrit, Yankees’ Season in Peril

Did you know dogs can’t run MRI machines?
No, I didn’t.
But catscan.

Gerrit Cole’s is getting the MRI because he’s not recovering well after throwing. No big deal, it’s just the Yanks’ season on the line. Unless you think Carlos Rodon is going to be an ace, that is? I kid.

With all the injuries on the Mets, detailed yesterday by the one-and-only J-Blabs, this could be a lost season for NY baseball if that MRI comes back ugly. Maybe I’ll hang out with my family this summer? Again, I kid.

Rangers Deadline Moves, Snoozy or Stealth?

Why don’t the New Jersey Devils have a website?
I don’t know, why?
Because they can’t string three Ws together.

But the new Rangers have looked good so far, though it’s only been two games against subpar opponents. Yup, the Devils are sub-par now. Roslovic’s speed has been on display and that line has looked better. It was Roslovic’s forecheck pressure on Monday that led to Mika’s first five on five goal in an unbelievable 30 games. Wennberg is solid, and a clear upgrade over Johnny Brodzonski of the third line.

Like I always tell my boss, sometimes less is more. Maybe the Rangers will find some additional chemistry with the new additions and get it going for the playoffs.

The bad news is that the Rangers’ main competition in the conference made quality additions. The Hurricanes landed the big fish in Jake Guentzel, as well as Evgeni Kuznetsov; the Panthers added strong veterans Vlad Tarasenko and Kyle Okposo; and the Bruins added some grit with Pat Maroon. The Hurricanes are only four points behind the Rangers for the top seed in the Metropolitan and the two teams faceoff on Tuesday.

And don’t look now New York hockey fans, but the Islanders have won six in a row under new head coach Patrick Roy and have moved into the last playoff spot.

99 Giant Problems

What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
I don’t know, what?
Have you bean stalking me?

The Athletic ranked the NY Giants’ free agent needs by position group. Every group was either a high or medium need except inside linebacker (before the latest signings, obviously). I’m no Tony Romo, but that does not sound ideal. RB, O-Line, and CB were listed as the areas of highest need (the Giants addressed two of those on Monday, see below). TE could be added to that group if Waller decides to retire, which he is thought to be considering. And they definitely need a number one WR. Oh yeah, and they have no QB. Good times.

I guess they have some work to do. It’s going to take a near perfect draft/free agency by Schoen to bump the roster up to a moderately competitive level.

But Saquon Ain’t One

What kind of farewell do math teachers provide?
I dunno.
Calc-u-lator.

Calc-u-lator, Saquon. In a disturbing development, Saquon decided to sign with the Eagles instead of the Texans, as widely expected. Gross. Supposedly, the Texans offered just as much but Barkley chose the hated Eagles instead. Maybe he wanted to stay closer to home. Or maybe the Giants finally pissed him enough that he wanted to haunt them twice a year.

This guy might be getting a call from Brian Cashman on Monday

The Eagles, a perennial contender with loads of stars, always manage to find some cap space for an available star. While the Giants, a team lacking quality players at nearly every position, always seem capped out. It’s hard to fathom.

I’m glad he got paid and wish him the best. He deserved better from the Giants. But hey, it’s tough to be a RB in the salary cap era.

The Giants signed Devin Singletary and G Jon Runyan for a little bit more than what the Eagles are paying Saquon. Singletary seems like a decent signing, a poor man’s Barkley, if you will. And Runyan is a solid guard who hasn’t missed a game in four years. The Giants are looking for some damn line stability. I can see the reasoning for opting to fill two holes instead of one. We’ll see if it works out.

Xavier McKinney is gone too. The Packers signed him for a whopping $17 million per year. He’s good, but I don’t think he’s that good. And I just read that the Giants are trading for edge rusher Brian Burns. This is getting interesting…

That’s it for me. Come back tomorrow for Ward, Angry.

 

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About Ben Whitney 402 Articles
Ben Whitney comes from journalistic stock. Aside from his brothers, rumor has that his great-great grandfather was the youngest brother of Eli Whitney and covered the earliest "rounders" games. Big Ben is also another New York Rugby Club player/pal of Different Matt, Short Matt and Junoir Blaber. He likes film noir discussions, has twin girls and took up ice hockey after retiring from rugby.