BRONX, NY – Hey, it’s the last Wednesday of August and, ostensibly, the summer. Does anyone care? Nah. Especially not the football-happy knuckle-draggers that hang out around this internet dive bar. I’ll get to some football stuff in a moment. But first, I know you guys want to talk some US Open Tennis, right? No? Oh, very well.
Taylor and Travis Engaged. You gotta start with what sells, kids, and Taylor Swift sells bigger, better, and more than anyone. She’s now officially engaged to Chiefs tight end (for I’m guessing one last season) Travis Kelce. Mazeltov, you two kooky, starry-eyed lovebirds! Seriously though, what could you possibly get these two as a wedding gift? Cash is out of the question, and any tangible gift short of a castle (and even that they could easily handle themselves) seems plain ridiculous. Do the super rich and famous just ask people to donate to charities they like? That would seem like the sensible play. Anyway, as someone who was once engaged, enjoy the yearlong (or however long) victory lap!
Cal Raleigh is Having a Pretty Good Year. At this point I know many baseball fans are suffering from acute Big Dumper over-saturation—and, yes, I’m aware how disgusting that sounds—but I gotta mention Mariners‘ catcher and MVP candidate Cal Raleigh yet again in this space. This week all he did was set the all-time single-season mark for most home runs by a catcher (he now has 50), become the first AL catcher since Thurman Munson to post back-to-back 100 rbi seasons, and is now within striking distance of Mickey Mantle’s single season home run mark for switch hitters (54) and Ken Griffey Jr.’s Mariners mark (56). How do you like that for company? And that’s no little league park he’s playing in out in Seattle. Just sayin’. Quick idea, the Mariners should do a “Raleigh Cap” giveaway… an ASS-hat of sorts. Okay, let’s move on.
Tommy Cutlets Doesn’t Make the Cut. Giants fans, please know that this parting is all for the best. Tommy DeVito developed a sort of cult following among the Big Blue faithful, but most players that take on the form of fan team mascots are never good to keep around too long. Years ago, Mets fans adored a beacon of mediocrity they dubbed “Super” Joe McEwing. I was thrilled the day he was no longer with the club. No hard feelings, I just didn’t think he should be taking up a roster spot. Giants fans should probably feel the same about their guy. Cent’anni, Tommy!
The New York Yankees vs. Baseball’s Bottom-Dwellers. As I write this, the Yankees are onto the second game of a 7-game stretch against the laughing stock of MLB. If the Bombers don’t take at least 6 out of 7 from the Nationals and White Sox, we really need to stop talking about them. Laughing about them? Sure. Just no talking.
It Can Always Be Worse. For those of you out there already grieving the fact that your NFL team is gonna suck this year (Browns fans, I’m looking at you), I’m here to tell you that Spencer Rattler has been named starting QB of the New Orleans Saints. Almost makes you excited about Justin Fields, eh, Jets fans? You’re welcome.
Thanks for stopping by. Come back tomorrow for the guy we affectionately call Buddy Chuletas, the one and only Buddy Diaz.
