Angry Ward: The Mets Have a New HR King, The Twins are Trash, and Sports Scandals are Coming Soon

Angry Ward, Pete Alonso, George Steinbrenner, Mets, Yankees, Twins, NFL, Meet-The-Matts, Ward Calhoun, #GoogleAlerts
George Steinbrenner would not be happy with all that is going on with his Yanks and those cursed Mets!

BRONX, NY – Well, I’m back from Hawaii in one piece. No cursed tikis, surfing mishaps, or volcanic eruptions… though we did have a tsunami warning, which made for an interesting day. My pal JG Clancy will be happy to hear that pitch-perfect weather, natural beauty, and nice people aside, Hawaii is also a good hot dog destination. I’ll leave it at that. Let’s get to some sports.

Pete Alonso Becomes Mets Home Run Leader. Last night, Pete Alonso clubbed two home runs to pass Darryl Strawberry as the Mets’ all-time home run leader. He’s now got 254 and counting. After last year’s playoff heroics and a markedly better season than last year, Steve Cohen and Co. have no choice but to figure out a way to keep Alonso a Met for the rest of his career. Lost in all the home run hoopla, the Mets FINALLY won a game, bashing the Braves 13-5. I’m going to the game tonight, so I’m sure they’ll get right back to their losing ways.

Ban the Twins from Ever Playing the Yankees. That’s really all I have to say on this matter. The Minnesota Twins should no longer be allowed to play the New York Yankees. They can’t beat them in the regular season, they can’t beat them in the post season, they can’t beat them ever. I can’t think of any team ever that has made the Yankees look so good. This is a team that was playing as bad as the Mets a week ago. Now they look like world beaters. I’m convinced they could inject Twins stem cells into George Steinbrenner’s corpse and bring him back to life. Please don’t. Just forget I said anything about this and please make it so that the Minnesota Twins never have to play the Yankees again. Thanks.

Mariners Tied for First in AL West. Yipee!

Sports Gambling Scandals are a Sure Bet. Just as sure as A.I. is stripping away jobs and making morons seem somewhat intelligent, the growing business of online sports gambling is absolutely going to create some massive scandals. When you get into bed with wagering as much as football, basketball, and other sports have, it’s only a matter of time before “the fix is in.” I personally can’t wait. I’ll especially enjoy the pearl-clutching from the likes of Roger Goodell, Adam Silver, and many others when the sh!t goes down. It’s gonna be fun.

That’s about all for me today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz. Mahalo and Aloha!

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About Angry Ward 838 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.