BOSTON, MA – Two games. Two losses. One angry owner. More on that and why Bernie the Brewer is the World’s Best Mascot.
ANGRY OWNER
Rumors are flying already (all started here) that if James Dolan gets his way, 15 fired Knicks players and coaches will be updating their LinkedIn profiles.
The Knicks are 0-2, and you know Dolan is sharpening his axe at Madison Square Garden. “Trade everybody! Fire somebody! Call Isiah Thomas! Get the rings back!”
Welcome to New York, where winning a championship apparently earns you about 48 hours of job security. Never mind that the season has barely started. Never mind that this is a championship-caliber roster that deserves more than two games to figure things out. In Dolan’s world, patience is for people who own goldfish.
New York fans have suffered through enough basketball misery to recognize a real disaster. They’ve also seen Dolan destroy rosters in a manic rage. But there are those of you out there that are thinking he should fire somebody – you know, send a message. I say you are a nutty as he is. At least have the decency to not fire anyone before the first week is over.
Here’s what EVERYONE needs to understand: The Knicks will be good again, but repeating as champs is historically and statistically is HIGHLY UNLIKELY. So enjoy the season watching a team that broke a 53-year drought, and stop fretting about Mitch Robinson gettting 8 boards a game in Beantown. He ain’t no Bill Russell.
BERNIE THE BREWER
Here are three reasons Bernie is the greatest mascot in sports.
NO. 3: HE UNDERSTANDS THE ASSIGNMENT.
Mascots are supposed to entertain fans, create memories, and make sports fun. Bernie does all three without demanding a bigger contract or threatening to move the franchise.
He’s loyal, entertaining, and allegedly more grounded in reality than the Knicks’ ownership. You hear that, Dolan? Put the phone down. Stop creating chaos. Give the champs their space. Go down an sliding pond, guy.
NO. 2: HE KNOWS HOW TO CELEBRATE.
When the Brewers hit a home run, Bernie slides down his giant beer barrel. No press conference. No roster purge. No dramatic announcement about a new direction.
Just a guy enjoying the moment.
James Dolan should take notes on that. It’s what winning looks like when you aren’t busy trying to ruin it.
NO. 1: HE’S THE BEST DRINKING BUDDY MONEY CAN’T BUY.
Everybody needs a friend they can confide in over a few beers. Someone who won’t judge you, won’t interrupt, and certainly won’t blab your secrets around town. It’s even better when they brew beer. Bernie is that guy. Bernie won’t say a word. He’s a mascot, not a gossip columnist. Your secrets are safe in that barrel.
Tell him about your marriage, your terrible fantasy football team, or the time you got fired for drunk texting your boss what you really think of him. And unlike certain NBA owners, Bernie isn’t going to fire you halfway through your second beer.
Mr Met will be disappointed to learn Bernie beat him out, but you can’t wipe that smile off this face – and he’s a good sidekick.
That’s it for me. Feel free to comment below.
