Angry Ward Wednesday: The Bottom Line on the NHL, NBA, MLB, NFL, Ponies and More

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Bronx, NY – Every single day there is sh!t going down in the world of sports and life in general that does not wait for our precious schedules. Even when you’re trying to stay on top of it all, it’s an absolute losing proposition. Because when you try to make time for everything, you’re pretty much short-shrifting the whole lot. And so it goes these days with the NHL and NBA playoffs in full swing, baseball heating up, the NFL draft about to take place, horse racing’s Triple Crown under way, and me (and everyone else) with not near enough time to take it all in and still lead some sort of productive life. In the interest of boiling things down to the basics, here’s the bottom line on what’s happening.

NHL Playoffs. I’ve actually been able to see more of the NHL playoffs this year than I have the past two or three combined. This is probably attributed to Minnesota advancing past the first round and our friend Cheesy Bruin telling me what friggin’ channel is showing what game in this whack-a-mole arrangement the NHL has with cable tv. My club ousted Patrick Roy’s Colorado Avalanche in round one, which was great. However, they are well on their way to a quick second round exit at the hands of the Blackhawks, but that’s okay. At least they aren’t blaming their losses on a “brutal schedule” like Rangers coach Alain Vigneault. By the way, isn’t complaining about being tired as anti-hockey a statement as you can make?
Bottom Line: The Wild are toast, but I’ll stick around as long as the Rangers and Bruins stay in it. You can have the west coast games. Speaking of which…

NBA Playoffs. I just finished watching my Golden State Warriors lose to the LA Clippers in the first round. Even though it went seven games, it wasn’t the series I hoped it would be. It was sloppy, it was predictable, with both teams losing just a single game at home, but most of all it was a sideshow to the whole Donald Sterling mess. And by the end, those west coast 10:30 start times were killing me, particularly because my kid likes waking up with the birds.
Bottom Line: I’m done with the NBA playoffs and will instead tend to watching the inside of my eyelids.

Baseball. I’ve been out to a single Mets game this year and my brother has attempted to get me out to at least two others, but watching from my couch seemed like a better idea than watching in rain and 40-degree temps. That being said I think the Mets have been pretty darn entertaining thus far and the Mariners swept the Yankees, which was fun.
Bottom Line: This season might not be all that bad after all. And watching baseball is better than waiting for the…

NFL Draft. Raise your hand if you are sick of the endless hype and lead-up to this year’s NFL draft. Who’s gonna take Johnny Manziel? Where’s Jadeveon Clowney going to end up? What loser are the Raiders gonna draft? How many mock drafts must I look at before my head explodes? I love football, but I’m getting tired of all of this crap. The worst of it, though, will be tomorrow night when we get exposed to every jabbering jackanape that ESPN has to offer, save Stephen A. Smith (I hope). Bottom Line: I will say this, it is kinda Manziel’s draft. The longer he goes unpicked, the more entertaining it will be. The minute he comes off the board it gets a whole lot more boring, except for waiting for the collective groan that goes up from Jets fans when they draft Johnny Mitchell Jr., Johnny Lam Jones III, or one of Antonio Cromartie’s kids.

Horsies. I missed the Kentucky Derby last Saturday for the first time in as long as I can remember. What can I say? We were invited to a party and sometimes social interaction trumps sports. I did my best to get a bet in, calling a friend in Virginia, only to be informed that their OTB parlors are temporarily out of business as well. He said he’d try to put it in his online account. I never got word if he succeeded. Nevertheless, I gave him a three-horse exacta box which promptly finished first, third, and fourth, with me out of the money.
Bottom Line: I won’t be missing the Preakness or the Belmont Stakes. In fact, I think I’m going to head out to Belmont this Saturday just to knock off the wagering rust as well as knock back a couple of beers. Anyone interested?

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One Final Thought. Yesterday I saw a rather large-proportioned woman walking down Broadway wearing a blouse featuring a lovely domino tiles pattern. Bottom Line: If you are fat and are wearing a shirt with dominoes, you’re pretty much asking for it.

Tune in tomorrow for another Podcast and Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson.
Bottom Line: Short Matt’s tireless promotion of them is annoying, but the Meet The Matts Radio podcasts are funny.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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