Angry Ward Monday: Eb’s Very Hot “Hawt Takes,” Bombers Bombed by Oakland, John Daly Back?

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Bombers lost to these guys?

BRONX, NY – It’s friggin’ hot here in the Northeast. So where’s DJ Eberle and his Hawt Takes, now that we need him? Is he scrambling for a “think piece” on what LeBron will do in 2018? Is he fighting the restraining order Chance the Rapper has taken out on him? Or maybe he’s just off somewhere filling Yankees minor-league players with the kind of confidence that will never translate to the major leagues. Whatever the case, we need a column! Here goes nothing… and I mean, nothing.

Yankees Allergic to the West Coast? What happened to the vaunted Baby Bombers on their recent trip out west? Sweet Jeebus! You would think that they didn’t pay their spotters west coast air fare so they could tip off their hitters as to pitches and location. A 1-6 record against the worst in the west just ain’t cutting it. Even JG Clancy’s putrid Athletics swept the Yanks! They stank so bad, the seagulls at the Oakland Coliseum wouldn’t even stop to sh!t on them. But seriously, what gives?

John_Daly-Murica-Meet_The_MattsThe Mets Won! Yesterday, the Mets beat the Nationals, and I’m still not even sure how that happened. Daniel Murphy has been hitting his former club like he’s out for revenge, the Mets are ravaged with injuries of all sorts, and… well… that’s about it. The Mets are barely fielding a Triple A club these days. I was asked if I wanted to go to the game on Father’s Day and politely declined. That’s how bad it’s gotten. They start their own west coast trip in LA tonight. It could get uglier. Wonder if Willie Randolph ever got a ticket home after getting axed out there.

Some Guy Won the US Open! Some dude won the US Open golf major yesterday. That is all.

Come back tomorrow for either Ben Whitney or a test pattern.

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Wednesday: Angry Ward, who has admirers at the NY Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way conservatives embrace Mitt Romney. While the Vikings tease him incessantly with flirtations of success, the Golden State Warriors, "Don't have a enough short, white angry guys but I don't dislike them... that much." A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, The Franchise.

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