Replacement Matt: Beltran Out. Cora Ejected. Here Are Replacements

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FLUSHING, TOILET – Well lookie here, the New York Metropolitans have succumbed to pressure and agreed to [Almost] Manager Carlos Beltran stepping down in the wake of the Houston cheating scandal. Who knew? The court of public opinion is stronger than the Wilpon’s purse strings apparently. Are they actually going to pay three managers at once this season or is “stepping down” a euphemism for giving the money back? Hmmm. Regardless, the Mets are now on the hunt for someone competent to run the squad with three weeks to go to spring training. Can’t say I’m at all surprised.

Who should they hire to replace him?

I think they should exhume the body of Lou Piniella and Ted Williams’ head and have them run the team much like Weekend At Bernie’s. The Wilpons love a puppet and the names of has-beens, so this seems like a perfect marriage to me. What could go wrong?

Or… do they replace controversy with controversy and hire the tandem of Wally Backman with Lenny Dykstra as bench coach? This hire placates the fan base and will give fodder for the back page and probably Page Six as well. See everybody wins, the media gets a juicy story daily. The quotes alone with be worth the price of admission. The fans finally get their choice to run the squad and I really don’t see how this one could possibly go off the rails, oh wait…

Meet_The_Matts, Trevor_Herrick, Mets, Buck_Showalter, Wally_Backman, Replacement Matt

Maybe they will go the conventional approach and hire one of the veteran skippers still out there. Dusty Baker, Buck Showalter. These guys would right the ship – I suppose – but they would cost money and demand some control. And we Wilponites can’t give them that now, can we? Brodie Van Wagenen and Jeff Wilpon need a marionette.

BUT WAIT

Terry Collins is still on payroll. Pair him with David Wright and you get a cost controlled measure and have an idea what you are getting. This seems the most likely scenario and clearly the worst possible choice. This almost guarantees it will happen.

There you have it. The Mets are doomed before the spring training even starts. What a time to be alive! Just as we thought the Amazins were moving into a new era they are back at square one in the halls of ineptitude. Maybe someone on Pat Shurmur’s staff is available. Come back tomorrow for Short Matt’s pontification on how we should all just watch his rugby telecast instead.

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Replacement Matt, aka Aussie Matt & Trevor Herrick, has been the Minnie Minoso of MTM from Day One. He's willingly been hit in the undercarriage by cricket balls, had beer poured on him from the upper deck and been handed the camera to hold for Tall and Short Matt on countless occasions. In many ways, he's been too valuable to start. But make no mistake, he'd be the headliner on any other bald guy's sports site!

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