WASHINGTON, DC – Earlier this month NY Magazine had an entire issue dedicated to NY neighborhoods. It just so happens that Greenpoint Brooklyn has the highest percentage of Met fans and the highest percentage of atheists. I don’t think that is a coincidence. Who can blame us, what type of God would allow the Yankees to be visiting the White House as World Champions? Yesterday’s invitation by President Obama must’ve made Yankee Joe, Mrs. Matt and Cookie so proud. White House visits are really one of the great U.S. traditions and nobody does a better job of documenting it than Ken Belson in his NY Times article last Saturday. Do yourself a favor and click the blue highlight and read this fellow Met fan’s piece on Baseball and the White House.
Lots of politicians are phonies, but at least our Illinois born President was true to his team and never pretended to be a Yankee Fan. I can’t say that about another Illinois politician when she was living at the White House.
Just remember George, I’m the real Boss around here
The Yanks brought along the Commissioners Trophy that they received for winning the World Series. This has to be one of the worst trophies known to man. It looks like a couple of drunk baseball execs designed it in a bar using an empty rocks glass filled with swizzle sticks.
Bartender, make me another Old Fashioned
After the World Series is over this thing is handed to baseball Owners/GM’s/Managers who have no idea what to do with it. It is like getting a present from your aunt on your 10th birthday that you have no use for but you have to pretend to be excited about. Think Pogo Stick.
Below are what I believe to be the top trophies in sports:
10. Wilmbledon – There are men’s and women’s versions of these All England Lawn Championship Trophies. This duo is the classiest of all the trophies even though the Men’s Cup has a pineapple adorning the top of it. Yes the men receive a cup while the women appropriately receive a dish. Ah, those sexist Brits.
9. Blanket of Roses – The winner of the most exciting two minutes in sports receives a garland blanket made of 564 roses. Every horse in the 136 year history has worn this blanket after winning the Run For The Roses except 2008 winner Big Brown, whose jockey Kent Desormeaux refused to let them drape the blanket over him because the horse “didn’t like flowers”. Screw Kent Desormeaux and the horse he rode in on.
Goes great with a mint julep
8. Yellow Jersey – This is more of a symbol rather than an actual trophy. It is given to the leader of the Tour de France and can be passed around many times during the running of the race. The words French and yellow have been pretty synonymous since 1939.
7. Green Jacket – Now this article of clothing really is the prize for winning the Masters. A tradition since 1949, winners keep their jacket for the first year after their first victory, then return it to the club to wear whenever they visit. This is a fitting symbol for pompous country club types that only Judge Smails could truly enjoy.
6. Heavyweight Championship Belt – Even though this trophy has lost a bit of it’s luster in recent years, whoever owns this belt is considered the baddest man in the sport. At one time this belt signified who the baddest man on the planet was. Jack Johnson, Jack Dempsey, Joe Louis, Rocky Marciano, Sonny Liston, Muhammad Ali, Joe Frazier, George Foreman, Larry Holmes, Mike Tyson and even Leon Spinks were considered as such. Too bad most boxers in search of this belt end up with the mental capacity of Yankee Joe by the time their careers are over.
Look Ma, No Teeth
5. Heisman Trophy – This trophy signifies the greatest collegiate athlete. I know only football players are eligible but lets be realistic, football players are the best athletes. Some of them go on to kill their ex-wives but that doesn’t mean they weren’t great athletes.
4. FIFA World Cup Trophy – The original Coupe du Monde later named the Jules Rimet Trophy was permanently retired in 1970 after Brazil won it for the third time and by the original rules were allowed to keep the cup in perpetuity. Only an Italian designer in 1974 could’ve come up with the idea to have a golden disco ball type globe as the trophy’s center piece. Later that year West German captian Franz Beckenbauer gladly accepted the updated trophy wearing his platform shoes.
3. Olympic Gold Medal – The greatest in individual achievement. Each person that has won a gold medal is considered the top in their athletic field. My favorite athlete of all time won gold in three successive Olympics. His name was Naim Suleymanoglu, better known as Pocket Hercules. This 4′ 10″ 135 lb. Bulgarian of Turkish decent was able to lift well over 300 lbs. over his head to win these medals. Let’s see that midget Justin Bieber do that.
Pocket Man
2. Lombardi Trophy – This trophy was designed for the original NFL/AFL championship game in 1967 and was named for the legendary coach of the Packers, who won the first two games. Each winner of the Super Bowl gets to keep the trophy as a new one is made every year by Tiffany & Co. Its a good thing because who would want it after Jerry Jones had his greasy little mitts all over it for a few years.
1. Lord Stanley’s Cup – The Holy Grail of all sports trophies. Each player on the winning hockey team gets to take this trophy with them for a week. Many players have taken it out on the town a la Weekend At Bernie’s. Mark Messier left in on stage all night at one strip club in Edmonton. Players have baptized their children in it (Sylvain Lefebvre), urinated in it (Lynn Patrick) and pooped in it (well Kris Draper’s daughter did). This hasn’t stopped hundreds of players and fans alike from drinking from it. Think about that the next time you see a player kiss the cup as they skate on the ice.
Mr. Bobby Orr. Need I say more?
Angry Ward tomorrow…
