Angry Ward Wednesday: Holiday Sports Songs Requests

BRONX, NY –Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too. Come on, it’s lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you.” Actually, it’s not exactly great sleigh riding weather here in the New York metropolitan area, but that’s not stopping local stores and radio stations from bombarding us with every holiday song imaginable. (Air Supply did a holiday album? Who knew?) Some Christmas songs are great, some are not-so-great, and some make you want to hang yourself with a string of festive lights. But I’m convinced there’s a holiday song out there for everyone… even sports teams and personalities. With that in mind, it’s time to start making some requests.

Silent Night. This one’s going out to the New York Knicks as a gentle reminder as to how Madison Square Garden will sound during all of their meaningless night (and day) games in 2015.

Do You Hear What I Hear? For the thousands upon thousands of incredulous motorists who get to listen to the idiotic blatherings from radio rejects such as John Sterling, Suzyn Waldman, and Mike Francesa.

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Let’s go ahead and make this early request for when the Cowboys get knocked out of the playoffs. Who knows, they may still screw themselves out of the postseason yet. Better safe than sorry.

We Three Kings. Long before there was Gretzky, the Los Angeles Kings sported the Triple Crown Line of Charlie Simmer, Dave Taylor, and Marcel Dionne. Also, am I the only one who thinks their old uniforms are way better?

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All I Want for Christmas is You. Mets’ GM wizard Sandy Alderson called this one in for John Mayberry Jr. Aw, that’s sweet. The Mets’ annual pauper routine is right out of Charles Dickens.

Do They Know its Christmas? One for Bernie Madoff, Aaron Hernandez, Rae Carruth, and all of the other sports rotting behind bars this year and for years to come. These guys, and many others, are on Santa’s permanent naughty list.

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. Sorry Tony Stewart, this one has to be for you. Please be more careful behind the wheel in 2015.

Home for the Holidays. Jets and Giants players, rejoice! God rest ye merry gentlemen… until next summer.

All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth. Sending this out to every player in the NHL. Do any of you guys have any of your original choppers?

Hark the Herald Angels Sing. To Albert Pujols, Josh Hamilton, and any other Angels players that were given ill-advised massive contracts and are singing all the way to the bank. Mike Trout, this probably means its ok for you to start sucking too.

Back Door Santa. Kobe Bryant. Nuff said.

Fairytale of New York. This one’s for you Matts… every single one of you.

See you on Christmas Eve! Come back tomorrow for our own Hanukkah Harry, Big Al Sternberg.

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About Angry Ward 748 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.