Angry Ward Wednesday: Sports Sitcoms We’d Like to See: Pacman, Clyde, Keith, Manziel, Wilpons

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Pacman stars…

BRONX, NY – The NFC/AFC Championship games are set, either the Golden State Warriors or San Antonio Spurs will win the NBA Championship, the New York Rangers will not hoist the Stanley Cup, and the New York Mets still need a clean up hitter. Nothing new to report here. Let’s have some fun by looking at some sports-inspired sitcom ideas I’ve been kicking around.

Burfict Strangers. He’s an NFL linebacker with a mean streak and He’s a wide receiver who took a violent hit to the head and doesn’t know what day it is. They’re roommates! “Vontaze Burfict and Antonio Brown are Oscar and Felix with anger issues and severe head trauma,” says Entertainment Weekly. Co-starring Adam “Pacman” Jones as himself.

The Big Bong Theory. Southern California buds, Bill Walton, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Snoop Dogg, Todd Marinovich, and West Coast Craig navigate the ins and outs of post-college life en route to the high life.

Everybody Loves Draymond. Warriors Power Forward Draymond Green stars as the most underrated player in the NBA. Jim J. Bullock co-stars as his crazy next door neighbor, Monroe. Hilarity ensues.

How I Met Your Madoff. Fred Wilpon regales his son Jeff with tales of how his lifelong bromance with Bernie Madoff started.

I Dream of Meanie. New York Giants ownership pines for their former cantankerous, red-faced coach Tom Coughlin after their new coach turns out to be a dud. “Meanie!!!!”

The Crosby Show. Sidney Crosby isn’t a doctor, but he sure needs one. He also wears lots of funny Penguin sweaters and only knocks himself unconscious. Co-starring Theo Fleury as Theo.

Walt "Clyde" Frazier Keith HernandezEight Ain’t Enough. (Insert your Antonio Cromartie synopsis here.)

Frazier. Former New York hoops legend, and notorious clothes horse, Walt “Clyde” Frazier picks up and moves to Seattle to embark on his new career as a radio fashion consultant. Keith Hernandez co-stars as his equally persnicketty brother, Stiles.

One Play at a Time. Howie Mandel is an illiterate football coach who uses props instead of a playbook. Johnny Manziel is an alcoholic quarterback running out of chances. They’re going to have to take it one play at a time.

Throwing Pains. Billy Crystal stars as Billy Martin, a diminutive yet fiery manager who takes control of the 1980 Oakland Athletics and proceeds to wreck the arms of his starting rotation by refusing to use relief pitchers. Co-starring Art Fowler as Boner.

Okay, I’m kinda done with this one. I had a few ideas for our fearless leader like “Matt Girl” and “The Matts of Life,” but I gotta leave something for another day. Feel free to chime in with your own. And come back tomorrow for Grinding Ax Walter Hynes… maybe?

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About Angry Ward 671 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.