FLUSHING M*A*S*H* UNIT – As the Avalanche of Awful swallows the Amazin’ Mets, we are staving off using this platform to condemn the insanity of having kids – particularly pitchers – commit to playing one sport, year-round from the time they are all of ten years on the planet. We’ll refrain from ripping crazed parents that make specialists of their pre-teens for a shot at “the bigs” one day, despite the fact that most Hall of Fame baseball players were three-sport stars. Cooperstown if filled with players that used time away from baseball not only for much-needed rest for young/growing body parts, but also to make them better athletes. Yet, one fragile player after the next goes down to an arm ailment of one kind or another and what do we do? We all shrug and act like the new normal is when you’ll be having your major surgery… not why.
Matt Harvey is done for another season. The most hyped player player since Brian Bosworth, is 27 years-old, facing his second career-threatening surgery and has a 29-28 record. That’s one game over .500 for those thinking that must be a typo. Yet every time The Dark Knight flagellates, it’s news. The guy was in MLB for about an hour in baseball years and he was nude in Sports Illustrated, doing Letterman, photographed with Super Models at Madison Square Garden and giving the finger to Tommy John.
Here’s some perspective: Tom Seaver had over 100 wins at 27. And do you think for a second that Tom Terrific would allow his agent declare pitch limitations during an EXTREMELY RARE playoff run? Would The Franchise refuse to talk to the press after a stinking up the joint? Maybe – and we hope for this to happen – a more humble and healthy Harvey returns in 2017 and tosses 10 years of dominant baseball for the coddling and accommodating Mets.
Thor is Sore… or at least just tired. This was the disconcertingly matter-of-fact and immediate diagnosis by the suddenly douchey 23-yearold Dr. Noah Syndergaard, who chose to walk off the mound with a 2-2 count and two outs because, “I was only throwing 93/94.” Aside from this guy trying to convince us that he just needs rest after simply Amazin-ly abandoning ship while the women and children stood by on the lilting deck in stunned silence, his post-game self-diagnosis leads this pundit to disagree with the esteemed Dr. Thor’s opinion. The thought here? It’s a clear case of sand in his vajayjay. Or he’s lying to everyone. Why otherwise would the guy wince after pitch? A yawn comes when one is tired, no? Either way, every great pitcher of stock guts through that inning – or at least that batter.
Which brings us to…
Tom & Jerry… Somebody please tell The Dark Plight and Thore (think Elmer Fudd saying “sore“) that they are not Seaver & Koosman. Have them talk to Ron Darling, who can’t recall ever having pitched in a fully healthy capacity for a season and had spurs and chips that every other guy on the staff had. They dealt with that stuff in the off-season… or just lived with it/them. Hell, yours humbly had chips removed from the elbow – but waited till Christmas because then it wouldn’t interrupt our crappy level baseball, hockey and rugby leagues, respectively.
Cespedes vs Sisspedes… We are raising specialists, alright. Specialists in Sissy. Just ask Sisspedes – or Cespedes – as he’s more commonly referred to in certain parts Major Whurl. This guy is quickly morphing into a walk-year version Carlos Beltran. Remember folks, Sisspy can opt for free agency after this season. He’s playing for BIG BUCKS and will not play with a hair out of place, apparently. He couldn’t stay in that game last night? His bat was needed. He could trot to first, let a fly ball drop and all would be fine if he was up there swinging for the fences. But no. Not last night and not any night until the big dollars are secured.
But enough of this. The Dark Plight and the Legion of Gloom will be overcome. As all of us eternal optimists believe – because we’re nuts – Murphy will finish at .290, Stanton will tire from running around the bases and Hip, Hip Jose Reyes will help Wilmer “Will To Win” Flores to The Promised Land.
Or at least the playoffs.
P.s… This is something different. If you don’t have time to listen to the whole thing, go to the 21:40 mark. Yours truly is on. :