Globetrotting Cam James’ Drunken Sports Report: Arsenal, German Fathers, Red Army, Gunners

Cam James’ Drunken Sports Report: Arsenal, German Fathers, Red Army, Gunners, You’re-A-Peein’ Pilgramage

MUNICH, GERMANYWilcommen, bienvenue, hola… what the f*ck is up?  Yours truly is reporting/hiccuping from Munich currently, but I have been gallivanting from London to Paris to Bavaria. It’s a once-in -a-lifetime walkabout All spawned post-termination from my job, so I am drinking my way through Europe kind of like John Daly tours America. That’s right, I am winning and don’t give a Matt McCarthy about anything.

Great hedges.

My first stop on the You’re-A-Peein’ Pilgramage was an EPL match for my favorite north London club –  ARSENAL!  Having only known the franchise for its form (English for “they are good“), Saturday morning soccer,  and for a decade of FIFA video games, actually seeing the Reds was a bucket-lister for me.  The team and the patrons did not disappoint last Sunday at Emirates Stadium… or at the Gunners Pub pre-game.  The Gunners won 3-1 against Everton, having  played  76 minutes down a man due to an egregious foul on a surly wanker named Valencia. That being said, this Saturday the Red Army takes on Chelsea for the FA Cup. This match is a must for the Reds, as pride is all they can play for – given this is the first time in twenty years they aren’t finishing top four in the EPL, which garners a champions league berth.

Now to the rub… This is all Kroenkes fault! Yes, the owner of the L.A. Goats who ruined my life, owns Arsenal as well.  He is great at ruining franchises.

Jack Sock. [Ahem]
From London I made my way to France.  Now, you should remove your underpants for Jack Sock. This man is no wanker – as his name would imply.  Sock has two titles this season and is the lead American in the field.  Lord knows we need an American as the French Open champion again, and he is our best choice. Advantage Sock…

Speaking of jack socks and Red Armies, I went to the French militare museum in Paris on a lark. Inside, I found they wore red pants in the field during WWI. No wonder they needed our help….  I also found during that visit that the French never had a revolution either. However they had numerous “periods of reconstruction”.

Uh… We can see you.

Now I’m in Munich on German Father’s Day. That’s a sports day of its own I like to call; Neinmascondomdach. Men were falling over around noon. None of them looked to be fathers. Some of them will be soon thanks to Neinmascondomdach.  The future is bright for them, however. At the Augustiner Biergarten there is a playground. This means that there are plenty of opportunities to drink while the kids  play. Dads get to play Neinmascondomdach with every coming year.

Segueing from not using condoms, nobody over here cares about the Mets or Yankees. But they do love… the Cardinals.

That’s it… Please bloviate below and check us out on Twitter @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts. And come back tomorrow for a man who never wears red pants to a fight… Haywood Jablomie.

P.s… Hopefully Junoir Blaber and Grinding Ax will appreciate the soccer stuff. And here’s a picture for JG Clancy.

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About Cam James 124 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.