BROAD CHANNEL, NY – It’s Tuesday, buckle in for your weekly Bengasm. This week I’ll take a look at Rhianna’s whiff on a diss of Kevin Durant. I’m also starting to get nervous about Odell’s contract situation and Tanaka Serving Up a Ton of Long Dongs. Let’s get to it.
In case you missed it, Lebron superfan Rihanna had a good time heckling Kevin Durant courtside during the finals. After the Warriors closed out the Cavs, she had this to say:
“Winning a championship after joining a 73-win team is like losing your virginity to a hooker.”
Ouch. If you’re one of the six people who read this column regularly, you know I’m on board with her point that this is a cheap title for Durant and the Warriors. But I’m not on board with this analogy for two reasons:
1. Losing your virginity to a hooker is much better than never getting laid.
2. Losing your virginity to a hooker still feels pretty good. Um, probably. I’m assuming.
Come on Ri Ri, your analogy might sound funny at first, but it makes the wrong point.
Unhappy and Underpaid
Odell Beckham Jr, the most exciting athlete in New York, with apologies to Aaron Judge. He’s said he’s ready to be the best he’s ever been. That must scare the holy hell out of cornerbacks, but what scares me is the handling of his contract situation. Many hours have been wasted on talk radio discussing Odell’s non-attendance at OTAs. Surely this was a mild protest of his minimum wage salary.
Talk about outperforming your contract – this would be a like a hooker cleaning your house and walking your dog on the way out. I guess we’re going with a hooker theme today. Anyway, I don’t like where this thing is heading. The Giants control him for this year and the next if they want, but he’ll freak out if they try to do that without giving him an extension. And before you start whining, “he’s under contract,” know that they would cut an overpaid player under contract quicker than you can say “Victor Cruz.” But he’s supposed to play out his existing crappy contract?
Two players in a similar boat are stud nose tackle Aaron Donald and Beckham’s good friend Jarvis Landry. Both of their teams have at least reached out to them about a new contract, but the Giants reportedly haven’t said a word to Odell. I’m sure he’ll be and camp and will probably have a great year, but the Giants need to get in front of this before it gets ugly. Next year he’ll do that more than just sit out OTAs. The last thing the Giants need is an unhappy Odell.
Lots of Long Dongs
Speaking of getting ugly, Hiro Tanaka is giving up some loooooong home runs. Are we worried yet? He gave up three 400-plus-footers to Oakland in his last start (including one on his first pitch) and has given up 18 dongs in his last nine starts. (That’s 2 per game, according to the MTM Crack Research Staff). Many of these have been screw-your-feet-into-the-ground, no doubt bombs.
Combined with CC Sabathia’s injury, the Yankees top three starters are suddenly Luis Severino, Michael Pinieda and Jordan Montgomery. Yikes. They’ve lost six straight and the Red Sox have caught them. You’d think the Sox would have a big advantage with a rotation topped by Chris Sale and David Price (when he returns to form), but the other three in that rotation are serious Stooges. Still, Tanaka needs to find his mojo soon.