NEW YORK, NY – It’s frigid here in NYC. Even the mercury is cold. And cold temps can make for a cold heart, especially when it comes to All-Things-Fuzzy for the Yankees and their blind legion of gluttonous, greedy fans frothing at the mouth for an immediate Free Agent Fix. No matter what the cost to them or anyone else, they want it. They need it. And they want/need it now. So despite Buddy Diaz’s cuddly little column on cutsie Gerrit Cole, here is the cold, hard truth – as outlined in today’s headline: Yankees Killing Baseball. Why Gerrit Cole is the Worst Signing Ever.
UNREASONABLE STANDARD
For many out there this is just business as usual for the Stanks. It’s just money, right? There’s plenty of that stuff floating around the Bronx (in company coiffures, not with the locals), so dump it on the biggests name out there and buy another World Series title. But common sense would indicate that paying a part-time player (starting pitchers only play once every five days) 324 million bucks is unsustainable. It’s an unreasonable standard to uphold – even for the Bronx Bankers Bombers. If you are still scoffing, consider that Cole will start about 30 games. Since he’s getting 36 million greenbacks per yer, that comes out to 1.2 million dollars per game. Now consider the case of Cole’s teammate Aaron Judge, just one on the long laundry list of perennially-injured Yankee stars. Judge played in only 102 games last year after playing in only 112 in 2018, yet that’s more than 3 times as many games as Cole will partake in, even if he’s perfectly healthy.
Do you see where this is going?
Sure, a 5-year English degree from SUNY at Buffalo might not be enough to start batting around mathematical suppositions but yours truly did begrudgingly grab a sprinkling of Management and Accounting courses on dares from snarky roomies. Armed with that schooling, one can confidently conclude how Aaron Judge’s agent might start a conversation with Brian Cashman:
AGENT: Hey Cash, it’s all about the cash. My client averages three times as many starts as The Colester, so Judgey needs three times the pay. I figure, 9 years at 98 million per gets it done.
CASHMAN: Can’t argue with that, Chiefy. After all, I’m the one that ruined baseball with G-Cole’s ridiculously insane contract! Just plant your John Hancock on the dotted line and I can get to giving Gleyber, Giancarlo, LeMahieu, Sanchez and everyone else in the clubhouse even more than that because they all played more games than The Judge-arooni.
PERSPECTIVE
Here’s what 324 million dollars looks like: $324,000,000.00.
That’s a lot of zeroes.
Do you understand how much money that is?
No. Of course not.
Here’s some perspective:
-You could keep 30 million, and give nine other people 30 mil each.
-You could keep 10 million and give 30 others 10 mil per.
-You could feed an impoverished nation for 10 years.
-Maybe you’d prefer to be a sports owner. For 300 million you can buy the NHL’s Arizona Coyotes or Florida Panthers. Who’d a thunk warm-weather destination teams during the winter season would be so cheap?!
CONCLUSION
The New York Yankees, with Brian Cashman writing the checks, have finally, once and for all, ruined the game of baseball for all of us. Nice work, Bombers, on pulling the pin on The Worst Signing Ever.
Speaking of nice work, check out Cheesy Bruin, who understands the value of a buck as he risks your mortgage and rent payments with his Free NFL Picks!
