20,000 Leagues Under the Sea: I was on a submarine for the two months with no wifi. What’d I miss? Like everyone else, I’m sitting getting reacquainted with my family, waiting for the vaccine to come along and wipe out this virus. You know, just like the flu vaccine wiped out the flu. The Texans must think it’s the end of days because they just gave away one of the best receivers in the NFL for a past-his-prime running back and a 12-pack of toilet paper. Oh, and the Giants franchise tagged Leonard Williams. I guess the going rate for a half of a sack is sixteen million. Good god Gettleman, what are you doing? When the Coronavirus mess is finally over, I reckon we are going to realize that we don’t miss some of things we thought we’d miss and don’t need them in our lives. Here are a few that we can 86 immediately.
The First Quarter of the Baseball Season
I like baseball as much as the next middle-aged white man. But come on with the baseball in March. How about playing all of the games in the unofficial summer from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Isn’t that more than enough baseball? Sure, fewer records will be broken. We’ll live. This is not 1944, there are other sports.
Toilet Paper
Anyone who has been to Europe knows that a bidet is the way to go. What other part of your body do you clean without water? None. But let’s clean the grossest part of our entire bodies without it! Get it with, USA, we’re not barbarians.
Don the Con
This dunce was saying the virus would be gone in a few days about two weeks before declaring it a national emergency. He lied to us to keep the stock market up and people will die because of it. It’s not funny anymore. Trump said sick people should stay on a cruise ship so the number of infected in the US wouldn’t go up. Terrible President, even worse human being.
Hand Sanitizer
Rant Alert! Let’s say there is a guy in the next cubicle from you who gets the flu or a cold at least three times a year and you hardly ever get sick. Is that because he was exposed to more viruses than you? No, we’re all exposed to viruses constantly. It’s not a total crapshoot where whatever pathogens you happen to encounter are gonna hop in and mess your sh!t up. We have this elegant system to protect us, fine-tuned by millions of years of evolution.
It’s likely you didn’t get sick as often because you have a better immune system. In my humble opinion, health authorities and the media do not talk about that enough. Sure, disinfect away, wash your hands, don’t go near another living creature – do it all. But also do what you can to boost your immune system. Get lots of sleep, manage your stress, take vitamin C (a potent antiviral), get some sun, exercise, eat your vegetables, etc. The virus is looking for the weak.
That’s it for me. I have to get back to sorting my guns. Hang in there my friends. Don’t worry Astros, your bean balls are coming.
Come back tomorrow for a guy who was practicing social distancing before it was cool, Angry Ward. Follow us on Twitter at @BenWhit8, @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.
