LOCK’D, NJ – As we approach our umpteenth week indoors, I think we can all collectively state we have lost our goddamn minds. When I read an article on The Athletic that Gary Cohen is excited to call video games for the network, you know things are bleak. When we are excited to get up at 5am to watch Korean Baseball and root for teams named after electronics companies… what else is there left? I’ll be quite happy when MLB returns in whatever form that is decided. Universal DH, Bartolo Colon being designated to pitch for all teams in the same time zone, whatever it takes. Just give us something.
Like many a starved sports fans I too have been watching “The Last Dance” on ESPN. The last episode, which showcased the Knicks match-ups with the by-then-hated Bulls were extremely painful to relive. It made me think about how cruel the universe is and continues to be. The Knicks were the closest to having a chance to dethrone the Bulls but never got over the hump; sort of a metaphor for our current state. No one is getting over this viral hump placed in our paths. Why is it that the non real “sports” of UFC and NASCAR are returning but not our nations pastime? Is a gang of rednecks fighting in a cage or fighting to make righthand turns really interesting? No. And you can call me an coastal elitist all you want but If i go to the corner I can see most of those things for free. They are not sports. Golf? Puh-leease. This is the most unwatchable pastime ever created. May be somewhat fun to play but to watch? Come on. Ping pong or betting on turtles racing is more is more exciting.
Which brings us back to the Korean League. I have yet to pick a rooting interest because I haven’t seen anything more than bat flip highlights yet. (They do have strong bat-flip game over there, I must say). When in Japan about a decade ago for a job I put my lot in with the Hokkaido Nippon Ham Fighters, who maybe had the coolest hat ever imagined. DO any of the Korean teams have cool hats? That could be the deciding factor. Let me know what you have found out. I can’t root for the teams named after cars because I think Kia and Hyundais are crap. I do have a Samsung TV and an LG washer dryer, so maybe that’s the rout to take? Although I feel like I must rule out the teams that have MLB club names like the Giants or Twins. Good god, I just looked at the selection of hats and they are all awful. Like a lame bastardization of the Detroit Tigers hat but without the cool font. I give up, I guess I’ll have to tune in and see who’s bat flip I like best and go with that. I give up, wake me when we can watch US baseball again or Bobby V runs for and wins whatever office he’s angling for. We are doomed, doomed!!!
Speaking of doomed, come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who has been dooming us all with Philadelphia Eagles talk.
