GOLF Is The Greatest Four-Letter Word & More Entertaining Sports Language

DENVER, CO – Next up in the scrambled, out-of-place 2020 sports schedule is the U.S. Open. For some reason, half of the readers of this site don’t consider golf to be a sport, so I won’t waste my breath on the affair. That being said, golf is the ultimate four letter word. Four letter words are something that the readers of this rag can certainly appreciate. Since Management likes to keep the site rated PG, here goes this week in sports through erudite substitutes for more entertaining language.

DEFENESTRATE (to throw out a window)

Bruce Arians wanted to defenestrate Tom Brady this past week. The only problem is that the Twitterverse has made Tompa Brady untouchable to many. My guess is if the Tampa experiment fails Arians will get defenestrated first.

CRAPULENCE (sickness from excessive food or drink)

Kahwi Leonard looked like he was suffering from a severe case of crapulence. Even in the team’s wins he wasn’t that impressive. He might just try and double-down and cure his fat-sorrow with some off-season poutine back up in Toronto, where people still like him.

ULTRICREPIDARIN (one who give opinions outside their knowledge)

Stephen A. Smith, myself, Skip Bayless, Cris Collinsworth are all ultricrepidarians… Collinsworth is not only an ultracrepidarian, he is a rapscallion. Just saw this video of him in his prime this week. There are plenty of people out there being “cancelled” for unjust reasons. What would happen if the mob saw this clip?

WIDDERSHINS (moving counterclockwise or the wrong direction) –

The J-E-T-S, Giants and my Cardinals are all moving widdershins. There was a time when I was playing legion ball in high school wherein neither Legion team for the city was very good. We merged the two teams and the best players from each combined to get to the semis of the state tournament. Can the Giants and Jets do that? I mean, what if Saquon had an O-line? The teams already share a stadium. It’s like a merger that never got fully completed. Bring on the Jeeintsor is Gi-ets better?

Speaking of running backs how about my Chiefs’ pick?! Following a strong Week 1 performance, Clyde Edwards-Helaire is now taking the lead as the favorite on the 2020 NFL Rookie of the year odds at +200 according to Sports Betting Dime.

Now back to our vocabulary lesson…

COMUPPANCE (getting what you deserve)

The Lakers are about to get their comeuppance. The Nuggets are good. Like really good. Nothing says super-team-ender like a small market team peaking at the right time, coming off a win. LeBron has bloviated in the media about his teammates and coaches for years. No scenario seems to be good enough for him. Now that the Lakers are playing really well he has gone radio silent. If the Lakers lose game one, look for him to sound off and subsequently alienate a team member or two. When MJ shot his mouth off you could always sense what he was saying was coming from a place of pure intensity as result of his drive to win. When LeBron sounds off it generally sounds like someone kicked his dog. No one likes a bloviating sulker.

Come back tomorrow for another bloviating ultracrepidarian, Grinding Ax Walt, as that is all we have here.

P.s… GOLF is most definitely a sport and so is auto racing.

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About Cam James 88 Articles
Cam James hails from Missouri and is a down-the-line St. Louis fan: Rams, Cards, Blues... Thus his occasional "Ram Rules" column. He hates Kansas basketball, lives in Denver, been a wrestler, dabbled in Ultimate Fighting and plays hardball. Oh, and he's Opie Taylor white.