NOTE: While this piece will be Mets-centric, the ramifications of its suggests will ripple through all of MLB.
NEW YORK, NY – Had a long-overdue chat with fellow Mets enthusiast Buffalo Joe yesterday. He was downright giddy, despite growing up *in/on Staten Island and CHOOSING to live in Buffalo after a 5-year test drive of “The ‘Lo” with yours truly at SUNY “at” Buffalo (not “of” JG Clancy). See, that’s what this whole seismic change of leadership in our nation has done. It’s uplifted everyone, despite the cold, damp weather and spiking #COVID19 numbers. Yeah, that’s the power of new Mets owner Steve Cohen; Lifter of Peoples. And with that, here’s today’s lineup: Are Mets Doomed Because Steve Cohen Is A Fan? Plus, Trevor Bauer, George Springer, Nolan Arenado.
Are Mets Doomed Because Steve Cohen Is A Fan?
Only a fellow Mets fan can understand how our aforementioned conversation went yesterday:
BUFFALO JOE: Kid, are you lovin’ this, or what, Kid?
ME: Kid, I am but I’m worried sick, Kid.
BUFFALO JOE: About what, Kid?
ME: About the inevitable impending doom, Kid.
BUFFALO JOE: But Kid, Cohen’s one of us, Kid!
ME: Kid, that’s exactly my point. He’s one of us, Kid. He only knows the same tragic, star-crossed, snake-bit luck that we know, Kid. Sure, he’ll mean well. But it’s only a matter of time before somebody loses an eye pitching hay on buddy & Met nemiss Madison Bumgarner’s ranch, or gets a shin broken at his father-in-law’s rodeo, or chops a finger off trimming the hedges or sneezes and dislocates all of his ribs.
BUFFALO JOE: Kid, you’re killing me, Kid! What’s the answer then, Kid?
ME: I wish he were a Yankee fan, Kid. He’d be used to winning. He’d know that success shouldn’t be less frequent than the next coming of [Charles] Haley’s Comet. He wouldn’t get hives EVERY TIME a Mets reliever entered the game in the 8th. But he’s one of us, Kid. I am worried sick.
BUFFALO JOE: [energy all gone] Kid, Kid, Kid… You’re right, Kid.
But then... we talked about the moves the Mets should and should not make, and this is where you non-Mets fans should pay attention.
Trevor Bauer
What’s with guys named Trevor being kooky? Neither Replacement Matt (aka Dude & Trevor Herrick) nor Bauer have both oars in the water. But while Replacement Matt is just fun, Trevor Bauer is a tad dark. He has even been nasty in a petty fashion, one could argue. His social media behavior raises more than a few red flags, especially when you’re talking MLB mega bucks. And again, one he’s just one lawnmower push from season-ending surgery to repair a torn pectoral. BUT… what if Bauer has matured and understands a little constraint doesn’t mean not being himself? That’s the big question. Admittedly, I told Buffalo Joe that the Metsies should stay far away from T.B. – to treat him as though he was tuberculosis. After researching for this column, however, I’ve changed my mind. What the hell, it’s only money! Give him 4 years at $100 million and tell him he can show his tattoos and facial hair in Flushing. He can Tweet away… Heck, we could use a little Sean Avery behavior around here to liven things up. If the Stanks want to pay him more than that, so be it. They are going nowhere with their bloated, fragile lineup.
I’m sticking to my guns on what I told Buffalo Joe about Springer and Arenado, though.
George Springer
Springer is not a superstar. He is a solid Major Leaguer that thrived in a strong lineup in a small market. He played in a TINY ballpark. He does not deserve a king’s ransom to be “the guy” in a big market town. He is meant to be a role player and should be paid as such. Otherwise, he’s Jason Bay III… Curtis Granderson was Jason Bay II.
Nolan Arenado
He became a diva… AFTER he signed his mega deal. He also played in a hitter-friendly ballpark. Looking at his 2019 stats, his homer total is pretty much dead even. 21 at home, 20 on the road. But his home/away average was alarmingly different: .351 in Coors Field and .277 on the road. Respectable numbers for sure, but J.D. Davis can handle 3B and packaging a deal for Lindor – fills a bigger need with a superstar bat.
The Unicorn
J.T. Realmuto is being given the above label because he is the rarest of the rare; a stellar, all-round catcher, under the age of 30. He’s succeeded wherever he’s gone. This is where Fake Sandy should go all in with the king’s ransom. Did I mention that guy can run, too?! He’s know Ramon Castro or Wilson Ramos on the bases. Give him what he wants – as long as his hip passes a physical.
Medical Staff
We didn’t speak about this yesterday, and I can’t believe I’ve forgotten this key move that needs to happen ASAP. The entire medical staff, including trainers, need to be made redundant. Canned. Axed. Fired. 86’d, in Mets terms. Apologies to those that are actually good in this group, but you’re necessary collateral damage for the sake of the average Met fan’s psyche.
That’s it for me. Come back tomorrow for another guy that’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic, Cheesy Bruin, and his NFL news, nuggets and [Horrifically Bad] Free NFL Picks... if he’s not out late spreading The Rona.
*Does one grow up in or on Staten Island? Which is it? And don’t say, “No one ever grows up there.”
