Angry Ward Wednesday: Bring Boone Back, J.R. Smith Gets Stung, and Abandon the American League in the Series

Will MLB's Worst Mascots & Alex "Cheats McGee" Cora be in the Series?

BRONX, NY – Happy Wednesday October 13th! Yeesh, if that doesn’t sound like one of the worst days and dates on the calendar, I don’t know what does. I’ll try to keep things light today, so I won’t be covering the whole Jon Gruden thing. Besides, my friend Ken Belson at the Times already did a bang up job. Instead, I’ll do my best to look under other sports rocks to see what crawls out. Better get a move on if I don’t want to be reporting Tuesday night baseball scores.

Bring Back Aaron Boone. For those of you out there looking for an early holiday gift for me, it would be great if you could somehow convince the Yankees to bring back manager Aaron Boone for at least one more season. Just as Cousin Eddie said about The Jelly of the Month Club in Christmas Vacation, he’s “the gift that keeps giving the whole year.” I would truly miss those press conferences where it’s as if he’s trying to explain how his Kindergarten class burned the whole school down. “Well, they stopped with the bomb threats, so I think we’re headed in the right direction.” One glimmer of hope on the Boone front? Apparently Hal Steinbrenner (or Steinbrenner Decaf, as he’s known) likes him. So maybe, just maybe, we get one more year and The Boonefire of the Vanities ending we all deserve.

J.R. Smith Attacked By Wasps at First Golf Tournament. I read this headline moments ago and imagined Judge Smails, Dr. Beeper, and all of Bushwood Country Club ganging up on poor J.R. Smith. But, actually, he unwittingly and unfortunately kicked up a hive while playing golf for North Carolina A&T’s college team. Hope he’s OK. I kinda like that J.R. is pulling a Rodney Dangerfield and has gone back to school. No word yet on whether he’s going out for the diving team as well.

Time to Root for the National League. Well, it’s not like there was ever going to be a great choice in terms of a team to LIKE representing the American League in the World Series, but now it’s down to the Red Sox and Astros. My advice? Choose neither. Root like hell for the San Francisco Giants. Failing that, just support whatever NL squad washes ashore at the Fall Classic. There aren’t enough Silkwood decontamination showers in the world to get you completely clean of Houston and Boston.

Finally, just to show I can post whatever the hell I want here, enjoy these rare stills of Magilla Gorilla playing football. I still don’t think it was exactly fair.

Come back tomorrow for Breezly and Sneezly fanboy, Buddy Diaz.

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About Angry Ward 737 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.