NEW YORK, NY – You’d think that all would be good and right in the world for NY Mets fans right now. But not sho fasht, Moneypenny! Just one phone call during the nightcap of the twinbill between sizzling Metsies and those b*stard Braves, led to this: Mets Fans Fight Over Ron Darling.
SHORT MATT: Guy, what’s with Ron Darling, a Yale graduate and writer of his own book, saying: “He’s one of the best second basemens in baseball?” I love Darling but that drives me nuts! The term second basemen is already plural, guy!
ANGRY WARD: You are going to criticize a member of the best broadcast team in sports?! You’re a f*cking moron!
SHORT MATT: Oh, so you’re okay with an Ivy League guy violating all that we stand for in terms of proper English, further dooming society?!
ANGRY WARD: You are such a negative, anal a$$hole!
SHORT MATT: Why, because I stand for Strunk & White?!
ANGRY WARD: No because you’re just digging for something to complain about. You’re the same a$$hole that was all over bringing in Buck Showalter, who is the best Manager the Mets have had in decades!
SHORT MATT: Yeah, Buck’s great when you compare him to all the clowns that they’ve had in before! I still think he sucks.
ANGRY WARD: Who w0uld your rather be here, f*cking Tony La Russa!?
SHORT MATT: Yes! Think of the entertainment value!!! But I’m more concerned with Darling’s assault on the English language.
ANGRY WARD: I am so sick of you negative, $asshole Mets fans. They are 30 f*cking games over .500 and you’re still not happy.
SHORT MATT: Don’t get me started on deGrom opting out!
ANGRY WARD: You’re a f*cking idiot. Go listen to Suzyan Waldman. You can hear her tell John Sterling: “That’s baseball, John.” I am done talking to you.
With that, Angry Ward hung up. He was in fact… angry.
That’s all for today. Please feel free to comment below and come back tomorrow for Junoir Blaber, who has his own special relationship with English.