Angry Ward Wednesday: The NFL Plays it Safe, the NBA Bids Buh-Bye to Big Ratings, and the Best Baseball Song Ever

Angry Ward, NBA Playoffs, van lingo mungo, LeBron James, Roger Goodell, Anthony Volpe, Meet-The-Matts, Ward Calhoun, #GoogleAlerts

NEW YORK, NY – Totally blanked that it was my turn to post again. I got a tad distracted by the Martha Stewart SI Swimsuit Issue. What will that wild and crazy jailbird do next? In any event, duty calls. Time to mail one in, gang!

Golf. Nothing gets Management’s blood-boiling like leading off with golf. Apparently Brooks Koepka won the PGA Championship this past weekend. What is something I don’t give a rat’s a$$ about, Alex? Let’s move on.

Football. Roger Goodell and NFL owners just passed some kickoff fair catch rule that’s supposed to be all about keeping players safe. It’s nice that the powers that be are FINALLY putting player safety first. These very same do-gooders are also proposing flexing Thursday Night games later in the season, which shouldn’t interfere one bit with player rest, preparedness, and overall safety. Bravo! Nobel Peace Prizes all around, gents.

Basketball. As I write this, the Lakers got swept-the-f**k-out of the NBA Western Conference Finals last night, and the same fate may await the Celtics in their Eastern Conference Game 4 Tuesday night (they managed to win/stay alive). This is all jake by me. I thought the officials were going to hand Game 4 to LeBron and LA but the Nuggets just kept pushing the pace. That’s what you do when the star of the other team is 38. You run them to death. I think Denver/Miami would make for an entertaining final… albeit one no one will watch. C’est la vie.

Baseball. There’s plenty to talk about in baseball, but let’s focus on baseball music instead. There are a lot of good songs about baseball, from old-timey classics like Take Me Out to the Ballgame to John Fogerty’s Centerfield. Hell, some people even think God Bless America is a song you just gotta sing at baseball games, but those people are drooling morons. Folks, I am here today to tell you that the absolute best baseball song ever is Van Lingle Mungo by the late great Dave Frishberg. If you’ve never heard it, today’s your lucky day.

Hockey. Nah, not today.

One tiny bit of housekeeping to take care of before I sign off today. I was recently talking with a friend who was in the middle of planning a Memorial Service for her Mom, who just passed. The digital tribute video of photos and memories was brought up, as it’s fairly standard now rather than actual photos. Anyway, I’ve already mentioned this to my wife but I need more of you to remember this as well: When it comes time to put together the blooper reel on my life (including the many, many, many years I pissed away here), I would like the accompanying background music to be the Benny Hill Show Yakety Sax theme song. Please remember this.

Also remember to come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who is a gentleman and a scholar, but still somehow also a Yankees fan. Go figure.

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About Angry Ward 748 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.