NEW YORK, NY – Now that New Year’s is thankfully over, it’s the first real week in January. Just to hammer that home, the weather here in the Northeast (and Mid-Atlantic and elsewhere) has been behaving seasonally appropriate. In short, if you’re not shoveling snow, you’re surely somewhere freezing your a$$ off. Let’s take a break and warm up with some sports talk.
Vikings Lose to Lions. I didn’t particularly want to talk about this, but my Minnesota Vikings got crushed in what was essentially a playoff game last Sunday night in Detroit. This loss had all the classic Viking elements: missed throws, guys stumbling over nothing en route to sure touchdowns, a Jared Goff grounding in end zone not called, a dropped pick six, and of course, lousy kicking. One word on that last one, if you can’t kick a ball into the end zone 100 times out of 100, I don’t know what you’re doing in the NFL. So, now Minnesota travels to LA. I don’t need to be in Hollywood to tell you all I know how this movie ends. Let’s move on.
Penn State vs. Notre Dame. The College Football Playoff offers up this semi-final treat for white people who like their college football white. Sure, both of these storied programs have had many great players of color, but boy oh boy do white folks love these two teams. At least that’s been my experience. Just mentioning names like Montana or Paterno or Rudy, gets Caucasoids foaming at the mouth. I’m gonna take a pass on this one. But, if you really need to know which way I’d go with my back against the wall? Friends, I will never root for Notre Dame.
Bears Ask Permission to Speak to Mike McCarthy. I have not stopped laughing since I read this amazing headline. This is seriously something The Onion would create. Really, Bears? You want to talk to Mike McCarthy? Is there some new NFL initiative I haven’t heard about that says each team has to interview at least one completely batsh!t crazy candidate before hiring a Head Coach? What’s it called, The Looney Rule? As I said to a friend who’s a Bear’s fan: “If this sh!t’s for real, someone needs to come collect (Bears’ GM) Ryan Poles… and fast.” Oh, also on the Bears’ wish list is mouth-breathing Steelers Offensive whizkid, Arthur Smith. Too funny. But, still funnier, the Jets want to interview Smith too. Hahahahahahahahahaha! NOTE: After this was penned the Cowboys decided to play Texas Hold ’em with Da Bears, telling them to go out, as per their request.
Oh baby, this year is off to a fun start. I see Tyreek wants out of Miami, also fun! Also just saw that the Raiders have fired Antonio Pierce, and I’d hire him in a heartbeat over those two guys I just mentioned.
That’s all for today. Come back tomorrow for Buddy Diaz, who sadly survived another Black Monday at Meet The Matts. Better luck next year, Buddy.
