FLUSHING, NY – If Yogi Berra were alive and had seen the Bill Murray classic with Punxsutawney Phil, he’d likely have a new iteration of his classic deja vu line re the Mets, “It’s Groundhog Day all over again.” Matt Harvey, Todd Frazier, Michael Conforto, Mickey Callaway… The faces change but team from Flushing is once again going down the toilet while the perennially improving Yankees are proving to be the Gas-House Gorillas. With that, here’s an Emergency Makeover Monday segment, aimed at ending this all-to-Familia, Miserable Mets Madness, in steps.
STEP ONE:
Todd Frazier: Platoon Frazier with Adrian Gonzalez at 1B and give the everyday 3B job to Wilmer Flores. The Contantly F’d With Kid will hit .270 with 25-30 homers, play MLB-caliber defense and bleeds Mets Orange. If you can get a box of baseballs for Frazier via a trade, get those much-needed balls. Why so harsh on fellow Jersey guy Frazier, you ask? Aside from the obvious story his career stats tell, here’s why: After another Groundhog Day Armageddon Mets Moment that saw ace Jacob deGrom leave the dugout with what may not be the umpteenth catastrophic injury suffered by this ball club in the last 2 years, the lifetime .245 hitter felt compelled to rip the umpires re balls and strikes. This was when he was asked about how the team was feeling, knowing their most important player was injured. The clip below is just a a piece of his bizarre, self-centered rant, a rant that no teammate wants to hear. Hey Todd, you’re not that good. You aren’t Tony Gwynn. You’re a mediocre, bargain-basement pickup by the trash-sifter that is Sandy Alderson. The guys in that clubhouse don’t want you blasting umpires like some wound-up version of Charlie Sheen. They don’t want you having meetings with the umps in San Diego. Shut up, hit .245 with garbage time homers and move on. The only redeeming quality you have so far is that chose Sinatra songs to be played when you come up. You
STEP TWO:
DFA David Wright: Move over Dark Knight, the Captain is coming…. Yes, I know that doing so is tantamount to blasphemy. And yes, I realize that would likely muck-up the insurance money the team will get once CAPTAIN WRIGHT acknowledges that he won’t be ready until Spring Training 2019. Stop being what Wayne Gretzky would call “…a Mickey Mouse operation” and end this taunting of fans once and for all. Be professional, not Mickey Mouse.
Speaking of Mickey Mouse…
STEP THREE:
Mickey Callaway: You’re a pitching guy, right Mick? You have two serviceable starters in the bullpen in Seth Lugo and Robert Gsellman. You sent Zack Wheeler to Vegas coming out of Port St. Lucie camp as per your accountability edict. Wheeler and another Alderson addition, Jason Vargas, need to be held accountable here and now. This minute. Wheeler gets one more start. Vargas should be long relief – in blowouts only – until he strings together a few innings of zeroes. That is only if he goes Harvey on Sandy and refuses to go down to Vegas to work on his sh!tty stuff. Does anybody remember that despite winning 18 games last year this soft-tosser got clobbered in the 2nd half of the season? Mets fans would rather see Harvey take a pummeling over Vargas. With Harvey there is always a hope that the stuff might come back. Vargas is a 36 year-old corner painter that resembles Pollack more than Rembrandt. Google it.
STEP FOUR:
Demote Conforto: Hot mom’s only get you so much leeway. It’s time to send the kid down and platoon Juan Lagares and Brandon Nimmo ( who sucks, folks) until Invisible Mike gets his mojo back, or at least wraps his face in ace bandage so we know he’s out there. And he will. He’s done it before… well, before he was part of Groundhog Day Armageddon Mets Moment #354, when he destroyed his shoulder swinging at a curve-ball.
And there you have it. Lose The Captain, diminish/demote Todd, Jason & Mike, upgrade with Wilmer, Seth & Bob.
That’s all. Feel free to vent, explore, share or criticize below, and come tomorrow for a man that could turn the Mets around in a Rick Peterson minute, Big Ben Whitney.
