This article isnâ€™t about the Mets, baseball, or really any sport at all. Turn back now if you were looking for a first-place fist-pump.
The TB (Topic Brainstorming) started today when I left work hoping to find MeetTheMatts inspiration at the gym. Like any good Generation Yer (thatâ€™s right Iâ€™m Tweeting this entire post), I enjoy a good amount of procrastination. Waiting to find the perfect article topic since my last, I was stumped until about 6:47pm (Eastern Standard) tonight. And then, it hit me… Literally.
- I chest-bumped a naked elderly woman at the gym.
She looks how I felt; Stank Face.
Boys… I know what youâ€™re thinking, and no there is nothing about this situation that you should find attractive. In the locker room, post-workout, still fully dressed and turning the corner to the bathroom stall area, I ran into a nude woman. Front to front, full press, my hands in front of me glued to my chest by hers. Full speed, her forehead resting gently for a second on my chin. Freaked out, I step uncomfortably to the side and inspect myself, now wet from her recently showered self.
And with this encounter I come to the point of this article: Locker Room Etiquette.
–What is it?
–Are there rules when it comes to this sort of thing?
Men: Are you really snapping/spanking each other with towels, exuding homoerotic glee like the movie Varsity Blues suggests?
Women: Have you ever whipped a feminize hygiene product at another in jest, like the infamous scene in Carrie?
I know Iâ€™ve personally never been in a locker room environment where my team has taken time from chalk talk to compare bra size and tenderness, but maybe Iâ€™m just sheltered?
I guess what Iâ€™m really wondering is, what is off limits in a locker room? Is there anything thatâ€™s out of bounds? MTM Faithful’s, help a girl out.
Cookie’s Corner, tomorrow.