ORLANDO, FL – With our Wednesday correspondent, Angy Ward, on a Winter Meetings sojourn, it was left to our Write A Column Contest Winner to post today’s column. However, the grand prize of “A day’s worth of Rice-A-Roni” was not appreciated by said winner, so we’re left to actually do this ourselves. But no worries, with the Hot Stove simmering and the Winter Meeting in full lull, we’ve got a handful of 7 Baseball Trades & Signings That Need To Happen:
1) Alex Rodriquez & Mark Charles Teixeira to the NY Mets for David Wright: This trade would have the contingency that the Yankees eat 85% of both contracts. Before you scoff, this makes sense for all involved. Wright will never win anything playing by himself in Flushing. A-Rod and Tex will bring some excitement to a listless, bristling fan-base. Sandy Alderson gets marquee names for no money and sheds himself of the big contract he’s anathema to – Wright’s.
2) Jacoby Ellsbury to the Yanks: Impossible? Ask Sawx fans about Johnny Damon. He came over to the Dark Side – as did the Roid Rocket.
3) Curtis Granderson to St. Louis: Cam James’ Cards will need an outfielder after a certain mole-faced switch hitter leaves that beer-soaked Busch behind.
4) Carlos Beltran to the Red Sox: They have grass in Boston. His knees like grass. They have the Green Monster to keep that monster on his face company. They’ll need someone to replace Ellsbury. The Mole fits that bill and stadium well.
5) Matt Kemp to the Mets: We’re not 100% what Sandy and the Wilpons can give a Magic Johnson – other than some lip service – for Kemp, but he’d look great as part of the Greatest DL in History with A-Rod and Tex in Flushing.
6) Shin-Soo Choo and Matt Garza to the Yanks: These two would blend in nicely at The House That Greed Built and the Bronx Bombers have the coin to overpay these decent player that are NOT stars.
7) Robinson Cano to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: Let’s face it, he’s going to be the next Pujols. He’s likely 35 right now and the only franchise dopey enough to give him the jack that he wants – other than the Yanks – is the one with the Rally Monkey.
And there you have it. Please feel free to offer your Hot Stove Specials below.
Cam James, tomorrow.