$325M! Stop Doin’ Dumb Sh¡t!, Buffalo Bills Snow Job, Honey Badger, Super Bowl Cards?

10 bucks an hour!
10 bucks an hour!
10 bucks an hour!

DEPEW, NY – It’s not even Thanksgiving yet. Winter is still 6 weeks away. While these things may mean something to most of America, they have nothing at all to do with Buffalo, New York. While much of the nation is still experiencing Fall-like weather with the occasional 60 degree day here and there, Winter has arrived in ferocious fashion for the beautiful city hard by the Eastern end of Lake Erie5-8 feet of snow has buried Buffalo over the past few days-with the South Towns being blasted particularly harshly

The Bills are supposed to host the Jets this Sunday in Orchard Park, but the seemingly insurmountable task of clearing roads, highways, driveways, and Ralph Wilson Stadium itself may force a postponement.  While the rest of the country is looking on in horror at the apocalyptic snowfall, Buffalonians are describing it as “Tuesday.”  Desperate for help clearing the stadium of the snow, the Buffalo Bills have announced that anyone interested in helping out with such an effort (shoveling tons of heavy snow) would be paid $10. per hour AND receive a free ticket to Sunday’s game. This is an offer that no self respecting UB student should refuse.

Speaking of college students, Rhodes Scholar candidate Jameis Winston just keeps on making news down in Tallahassee. He hasn’t looked all that impressive this season-neither has Florida State as a team for that matter. But they just keep winning, no matter how mediocre their competition has been so far this season.   So far no one has been able to talk any sense into this kid, and his career arc is now squarely on the same purple drank trajectory as Jamarcus Russell.  Maybe this guy can straighten him out before it’s too late.


Jeffrey Loria owns the Miami Marlins.  He and his twerp midget former stepson mouthpiece David Samson lie and defraud the taxpayers of Dade County and the City of Miami to get what they want. They fleeced the public by getting their new stadium built with taxpayer dollars, and then lied about their intentions. They spent some money on ballplayers to give the appearance of committing to the city, but quickly blew it up after one season and sold off everyone they had so audaciously signed just 6 months earlier. And people are shocked that fans don’t come out and support these gonifs.  Now Loria has signed Giancarlo Stanton to the richest contract in sports history, 13 years and $325M. Over the first 4 years of Stanton’s new deal, the average annual salary comes to “only” about $9M.  That’s the first red flag. Loria is a scumbag. He’s always been a scumbag, and will always be a scumbag. This will not end well.  I know Stanton will earn nearly one-third of a BILLION dollars over the life of this deal, but this agreement will ultimately spell the end of major league baseball in South Florida.

Sign it big boy. I am so going to screw you.
Sign it big boy. I am so going to screw you.

I’m not sure why everyone is still looking for a Super Bowl favorite.  The common belief going around these days is that this season has no “super team,” no squad that looks dominant like last year’s Seahawks. Green Bay is peaking now-as is New England and Denver is its usual unbeatable self at home.  But for me, the obvious answer is the Arizona Cardinals. Plus-Super Bowl XLIX will be held in Arizona! Yes, they’ve lost Carson Palmer for the year and now Drew Stanton is under Center. Doesn’t matter. They have a great back in Andre Ellington; a great O-Line and by far-the top defensive secondary in the NFL led by Patrick Peterson, the best cover corner in the NFL and the Honey Badger, Tyrann Mathieu. We may not be used to hearing this, but the Cards are the best team in the NFL. And it’s not even close.

We'll be 1st home team to host Super Bowl!
We’ll be 1st home team to host Super Bowl!
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About Fake Sandy Alderson 175 Articles
Big Al Sternberg/Fake Sandy Alderson is from a not-so-nice part of Queens. But through grit and elbow-grease finds himself living on Long Island with his bride and twin 12-year-old sons. He is a sports encyclopedia... and a loose cannon. In fact, Michael Baron of Metsblog.com blocked him on Twitter. You can find The Blocked One's Tweets here: @AldersonFake