Angry Ward Wednesday: Matts, Mets, Pats, NFL Bets

FU3973lgBRONX, NY – It’s official! I have a 2-day writing streak! Take that, Harper Lee! You’re next, Melville! There’s plenty to get to today, so let’s get there already.

Matt-rimony? In case you’ve missed the guest list cut or the myriad references on this site, our own Short Matt will be getting hitched this coming weekend. And by “hitched” I mean that for a guy about to get married, he looks an awful lot like Alfred Hitchcock. But even “The Master of Suspense” never waited this long to get around to a plot twist. Nevertheless, in advance of the big day let me be the first to congratulate the lucky couple, and our fearless leader for finally finding his Grace Kelly. Just remember these words when I’m apologizing for my behavior at the reception, kids.

Concerning the New York Mets. As I write this, the Mets are losing to the Nationals 7-1 and look as though their lead in the NL East will be back to four games, and that’s okay. No one expected any games against Washington this year to be easy, especially ones in September. These two teams will hopefully fight each other tooth and nail down to the wire. That’s what’s great about baseball. What’s not okay is losing two of three to the Miami Marlins. What’s not okay would be going into Atlanta this weekend and losing two or three games to the Braves. Teams that make the playoffs do one thing very well, and that’s beat the holy crap out of lesser teams. In case the Mets didn’t notice, clubs like Miami, Atlanta, and Philly all delight in playing spoiler, particularly against the Mets. Miami won two games last weekend and celebrated both like they just won Game 7 of the World Series. The Braves will be hoping to do likewise. The Mets have to know this. Get angry already and take no mercy on these f***ers. You do not get to the post season losing to bottom-dwellers in September.

Save The Date2BPats cheated? Roger that. So, how about that ESPN bombshell report about Spygate? Apparently the Patriots did a whole hell of a lot of illegal taping of other teams’ signals and signs, used those signs to cheat, stole actual play-calling charts out of opposing teams’ locker rooms and used them to cheat, jammed teams’ communication signals during key moments in games to, y’know, cheat, and just generally cheated every chance they got. And they eventually got caught. And then Roger Goodell and the NFL destroyed all of the evidence and made the teams that got screwed with this cheating say that it really wasn’t the cheating that lost them those games. But, is any of this really all that surprising? Didn’t everyone assume that this is exactly what the NFL would do. If Tom Brady were as murderous as Aaron Hernandez, wouldn’t Goodell and company help him dispose of bodies, burn cars and chuck firearms into the Charles? This is what men of power do; They protect their investments. Do you think if Derek Jeter ever tested positive for steroids that Major League Baseball would report it? Hell no. So why should be bother to feign surprise when we know that this is the rule rather than the exception?

Hot Bets. Thursday night the Pats are giving a touchdown to the Steelers, and I have it on good authority that Bill Belichick will be having a food services special assistant spike Pittsburgh’s Gatorade with Manny Ramirez urine and kerosene. Lay the seven. The Cowboys host the Giants and are giving 6. Take the points on Jewish New Year, you can thank me for the mitzvah later. Finally, it’s even money on whether Matt’s wedding reception will have a cash bar. When it comes to booze, I don’t bet. But I’d rather pay than be stuck with beer and wine all night.

Thanks for stopping by. Tune in tomorrow for Grinding Ax Walter Hynes. See you next week, I hope.

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About Angry Ward 755 Articles
Angry Ward, who has admirers at the New York Times, is the quintessential angry sports fan but for one exception... he's flat-out funny. And the angrier he gets, the more amusing his work becomes. Psychiatrists say, "Angry Ward's 'anger' is a direct result of "Bronx/Mets syndrome: growing up in the Bronx as a Mets fan." As if that weren't enough, his Minnesota North Stars abandoned him for Dallas, forcing him to embrace The Wild the way Nancy Pelosi embraces Mitch McConnell at charity events. And while his Vikings only tease him with success, his Golden State Warriors actually win these days. A-Dubya is MTM's longest-tenured indentured servant, its Larry David and quite simply, "The Franchise." (Junoir Blaber disputes this). Vent, curse and giggle with him on Angry Ward Wednesdays.