MARLBORO, NY – Living sixty-five plus miles from the city and being “retired,” I don’t have to worry about commuting into and out of the infrastructure nightmare that is New York City. Coincidentally, the recent Big Apple rail woes are very similar to the plague cast upon area sports teams. With the help of a few comparative movies, here is some reading to pass your time during today’s travel delays.
Knicks: I could get a full column out of this organization but will resist the urge to pile on. They are a track fire and derailment all in one with mismanagement surpassed only by the Metropolitan Transit Authority. MTA Chairman Joe Lhota may as well be former Knick exec Phil Jackson–both have impressive pedigrees but couldn’t deliver happiness to straphangers and a basketball fan base, respectively. Puzzling is the fact that the losing Knicks show a profit compared to an always-in-the-red transit system boasting a daily ridership of about 5.5 million people per day. The dysfunctional Penn Station also sits in the bowels of MSG.
Giants: Once/if you can make your way to the Port Authority Bus Terminal, you are treated to a $12 round-trip express bus ride to the non-descript stadium home of the New York Giants. Without the traffic and parking headaches into and out of the stadium, the on-field product is just like the bus ride–MEH! At the very least, thanks to the PA, you’re assured of getting to your destination in a timely manner just like the Giants are certain to finish around 8-8 every season.
Rangers: It is scary enough to think a taxi cab might be the best bet in moving about the city nowadays. The Rangers are like a NYC taxi: yellow (they miss a Tie Domi type), in a race to go a short distance (usually in April), and are driven by foreigners (Lundqvist and Zuccarello). Don’t forget to leave a tip in the Cup!
Yankees: The gold standard of New York sports teams if not the world. Playing in The House That Greed Built, the Yankees are the money train to an aging and ailing infrastructure and always will be so long as the name Steinbrenner is linked to ownership. This pinstriped locomotive stays smoothly on track and mimics the conduit of money from fans pockets to the organization coffers. A business model for what the MTA should strive to be.
Jets: Our perennially under-performing airports are also outdated and in need of an upgrade and so are the Jets and their fans who sit on the tarmac of constant depression. It seems like this team goes nowhere as it circles the airport with new regimes every three or four years. I say LaGuardia gets rebuilt and modernized before the Jets make the playoffs again. Todd Bowles will be a Sky Cap by mid season.
Mets: The Mets are every bit the dark comedy that is the movie Trainspotting. Among the characters are a heroin addict named Mark Renton, who signifies the sickness in all Mets fans, the unscrupulous Sick Boy (Fred Wilpon), Daniel “Spud” Murphy, Begbie an off-the-wall type (Short Matt), and the morally intact Tommy McKenzie who may as well be David Wright.
That’s it. Please comment below and come back tomorrow for a man who never spotted a train – unless you count a nosebleed – DJ Eberle. And please follow us on Twitter – @CheesyBruin & @MeetTheMatts, @Matt_McCarthy00, Instagram @MeetTheMatts and like our Facebook page, Meet The Matts.